Tuesday, November 3, 2009

How Do I Let Him Go?

Denise writes:

Hi Chauntel!

I dated this guy 3 months ago and we did really fun stuff . Til one day we broke up and then later he got back with this girl that he was before like 7 times! i got really crushed. then later we went out again and this time it was worse. we talked on the phone on friday coz our school was gonna have a halloween party. He told me that he wanted to hang out with me that day. When i got there i saw him but he just ignored me. He hanged out with this girl that he said that they werent even friends. I felt crushed!!! I was hoping to hang out with him. Later i called him and asked him why he didnt hang out with me and he said that he was having to much fun to hang out with me. i liked him so much!! we broke up and i just feel crushed!!! at school he and his friends make fun of me. I cried a lot for all the things he has done to me. I can't stop thinking about him. What should i do chauntel? I'm trying to move on but it is too hard. i see him every day at school. He keeps flirting with me and being so mean chauntel!

Hello Denise!
Sometimes we get so caught up in a guy that we stop looking at ourselves and what really makes us happy. As focused on him as you are you are forgetting one main thing. He is not making you happy.

He doesn't seem interested enough to deserve you. It sounds like he is more worried about what his friends think. He also seems very pre-occupied with a lot of lady friends.

You have not reason to compete with that. So what do you do?

Simple, ignore his friends. Say hi to them and keep it pushing! If you see him say hello. Do not schedule anymore time to hang out with him. This will allow you to distance yourself from the situation. It may be hard at first but everyday will get a little easier. Eventually you will get to the point where you don't even think of him anymore.

He will then begin to wonder what happened. Don't you worry about that, let him figure it out. In the meantime you will probably find you a new boo, because your focus will be off of him. Trust me one day in the near future he will regret his stupidity.

But he is on the rebound anyway. So let him get back with his ex. and that way you can find someone who will treat you right!

I Hope This Helps!


If you have any questions please feel free to email me.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

She Feels Invisible

16-year-old Invisible Girl from Montreal writes:

Dear Chauntel,

Hi. I'm going to my last year of high school. What i want to know is how do i get boys at school to notice me? Like, a lot of my friends seen to have guys have guys goin gaga over them... but for me they just pass me by... and i try talking to them they will look at im weird.... So im asking if there is anything i can do to change this?

Hello Invisible Girl,

It is all about how you feel about yourself. If you feel beautiful on the inside that will show on the outside. If you begin believing that you are beautiful guys will begin to see that as well.
Don't compare yourself to others. There is a guy out there for you, but you may not find him right away. So then what should you do?

FOCUS ON YOU! Try changing up your style up a bit. Wear clothing that compliments you. Wear your hair down. Smile a little more. Spray perfume before you go out the door. That will make you feel better about yourself and may catch his attention!

When you least expect it he will turn up! Don't worry about it, just focus on school and make sure to participate in social events. That will give you an opportunity to meet new guys (:

I Hope This Helps!


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

She Says I am Her Bestfriend

Da Fox from California writes:

Hey Chauntel,

So i have a dilemma. Ive known this girl for since my Junior year in high school and i had feelings for her. as time went on I never told her. She got with some guy they broke up and throughout this time i still liked her. Now i do not when this happened but as i finally came to my senses and told her how i felt she told me that she saw me as her best guy friend and that she didn't want to ruin that. Now i don't know what that means because as we conversed she said that maybe in the future something might happened? I became totally clueless. Well now we are both freshmen in college. We still talk now everyday, and i still have feelings for her and she still knows it...i think. But lately she has been telling me things like, she is afraid to get with other guys because of what happened to her junior year. So my question is....What should I do? Should I still try to pursue trying to get a relationship with her please explain this too me the best way you can.

Hey Da Fox!

You should give her heart time to heal. It seems like that relationship that she was in is still taking a toll on her heart and you don't want to be a rebound.

After some time has passed you should take her out somewhere for a nice dinner. Then take her to get some ice cream or something. During the ice cream session you should let her know how you feel, and tell her that you are willing to take the risk to of graduating your relationship from friendship to dating.

Tell her that you all can try it, and if it doesn't work out you will just go back to being friends. Tell her that the feelings that you have for her will not allow you to give up just yet. Tell her that you would like to give it a try. If it doesn't work out then that's fine, but that you at least want to give it a shot.

The truth is if you are friends first you can be friends after the relationship, but if you are lovers first you can't expect to be friends later. The good thing is that you all are friends first.

IF at that point she still doesn't want to pursue a relationship continue being friends with her. Time will tell the fate of your relationship. If she is not interested there is nothing that you can do about that, and in that cause you will have no choice, but to seek out other options.

I Hope That Helps!


If you have any questions please feel free to email me.My mail address is askchauntel@gmail.com.When you send a question include: 1.CodeName/Nickname2.State/Coutry3.Age Youtube.com/askchauntelmyspace.com/askchauntelaskchauntel.blogspot.comtwitter.com/askchauntel

How to Get My Dad To Be Cool about Dating at 16

16-year-old Jess from Canada writes:

Hello Chauntel,

I got a big problem and I'm looking for advice. My dad is over protective of me just like almost every dad, I'm daddy's little girl and at most times I hate it. This all started back when my brother who is 18 become friends with Gary. Gary was then 18 and now 19. He used to come over all the time and hang out with my brother but then I always ended up hanging out with them too. I started to really like him and he started to really like me. So he started coming over more to hang out with me. My dad was starting to get unconfortable with this because he would say hes over to hang out with my brother which sometime he did. This started in September and then my dad put a stop to it on New years Eve. He said I wasn't aloud to see him again because he was sneaky because he would always come over and say hes there for my brother also I kinda sneaked him around which was a very bad idea, I tried to talk him out of it but nothing worked. My mom still let me see him sometimes though but then that got turned around acouple of weeks ago when his mom told my mom things that had happen with me and Gary so my mom made a complete stop to it. I'm not aloud to see him or talk to him even though I still do talk to him and she knows that and I also saw him acouple of times. I plan to tell my dad that I want to be able to see him and be friends with him when I'm 16 but I dont know if this will work or how I'm going to cause I'm scared. My mom also tells me to move on and that she is always right but I know she is still mad about the information she found out by his mom. But I'm pretty sure that if I get my dad to meet him and actually get things straightened out that things could get better, i really like this guy and i know for sure he does too, he would do anything for me including waiting for me if he had to.
Please get back to me and and let me know your advice
Thank you so much(:

Hello Jess,

Your best bet is to continue being friends with Gary. It doesn't sound like your dad is going to be up for you dating right now. I would give it time. In the meantime I would do things to make him proud and realize that you are maturing into a wise young lady.

I would try to get him to agree to let me date when I am 16. If he disapproves continue being sweet to him. Your time will come, and if Gary really likes and you really like him you will end up together at some point!

I Hope this helps (:

I Hope That Helps!

If you have any questions please feel free to email me.My mail address is askchauntel@gmail.com.
When you send a question include: 1.CodeName/Nickname2.State/Coutry3.Age Youtube.com/askchauntelmyspace.com/

Vote: What Body-type do men like in women?

Saturday, September 26, 2009

How do I get my Girlfriend Back>

20-year-old Jordan from Canada writes:

My girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago, and she basically was unhappy and wanted to see someone else who had asked her out. I have a feeling her new friend who knew this guy was an influence, but I can't make assumptions. Anyways, recently as she found out I had been seeing someone, she at first got mad then jealous and called me. She's been wanting to know her name, who she is, etc. ever since she found out and called me a couple of times to just talk with me. She reads my writing that I put on the net every day, usually every night, and changed her profile pic on facebook of her with this other fellow when she added me to facebook. My question is, what steps can I take to draw her back to me? What she did to me was pretty low considering she had applied to my university and I had an apartment for us, but I think she got caught up in her emotions, and was led by the influence of others. Is there a way that I can re establish myself in her eyes as someone to be with? I don't want to be the number 2 guy to fall back on, as I was her number 1 for two years. We had spoken of engagement in late May after I was a pallbearer for her family. What should I do to draw her back? I've gotten conflicting advice - some people say I should wait for her and let her get jealous, and others say I should just open up to her. I want to know your opinion, as I've opened up before at times this past summer and it didn't get me anywhere.

Thanks, I love the girl a lot and want her in my life.

Hello Jordan,

Sit down with her, and tell her you don't want to play games with her anymore. Let her know that you really do care about her, but if she needs her space you are willing to give it to her. But let her know that she is running the risk of loosing you. What you have to remember is why you all broke up. If her mind is wondering now just imagine what it will be like when you get married to her. Your best bet is to let her see how she feels about you by giving her time. Don't date other girls to spite her, and make her jealous. If you do date someone it should be because you are genuinley interested in pursuising some type of relationship or friendship with them. I would encourage you to give yourself some time as well. There is no need to rush into anything right now, you just got out of a relationship! But the initial thing I would do is talk to her, then give her, her space.

I Hope That Helps!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

How Can I Be a Nice-Guy Without Being a Pushover?

17-year-old Jacob from Ohio writes:

Hey Chauntel,

Ijust watched your Nice guys finish last video(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIiCdij205c). and one thing you said girls look for is backbone.

I, as do some friends, see me as that nice guy. my challenge is that, i have back bone but dont know how to show it without looking like im in a bad mood. or that im disgusted with the person (i tend to be overly serious maybe?)

Well my question for you is: How do i show that im not a push over. but at the same time let a girl know im also a nice guy?


Hello Jacob!

If you allow the woman to get to know you, by becoming friends first, she will know that you are a nice guy. You do not have to spell it out for her.

Showing backbone is simply showing the woman that you have your opinion and beliefs about important topics. The way you can avoid being mean or appearing to be a pushover is to simply let her know that although you have your own feelings, you also value her opinion. Listen to what she has to say and give you opinion when appropriate.

Another way that you can show you have backbone is to make small suggestions. Like, "Hey lets go to TGI Fridays tomorow." If she says, "I really don't like that restaurant." Simply say, "Ok, well I want to go somewhere tomorrow if you have time. Where would you like to go?" She will then realize that you have a plan in mind, but are not overlooking her wishes.

Simply showing her that you will take care of her is important. Show her little things like, when you are both walking down the street, have her walk on the inside, not the outside of the sidewalk. This hints to her that you are protecting her. When you sit in a restaurant put her in a position away from the door.
If someone is mistreating her at work or at school, show interest in that. Let her know that you are there to back her up if she needs you.

You don't have to change your demeanor to show backbone. It's more about showing her that you can make your own wise decisions, and that you care about keeping her safe. However, don't become overbearing. These are things you show from time-to-time.

As far as her knowing that you are nice, just be yourself. She will recognize it as she builds a frienship with her.

I Hope This Helps!


Saturday, August 29, 2009

Interracial Relationships

18-year-old Mimi from Canada writes:

Hey Chauntel :)

I have been dating this guy for about a month now and it's going really really well. He's been a fantastic boyfriend. I've found someone who I match with. Anyways it's been going pretty well but I have two little problems. The first thing is that this summer he's gone to the yukon for two monthes because he's doing military training. I know i'm going to miss him alot but this is in preparation for when he joins the real army next year. I want to be supportive of his decision but If he joins the military he might have to get somewhere and who knows how long it will be before I see again and also it's such a dangerous job... what if something bad happens to him? Anyways I guess I'm just trying to say that I'm pretty worried about him. So do you think I should tell him my concerns?

The second question is that ever since I started dating him I've been having alot of people who have been telling me we shouldn't be together. it's because he's white and I'm black... I mean his background doesn't bother me but I don't know why everyone else keeps bringing up this the whole race issue... so I guess I'm just hoping to get your thoughts on the whole interracial dating thing.

Hello Mimi,

You can't have a healthy relationship without trust and communication, and for that reason you should be open and honest with him about your fears. He will expect for you to be worried about him. If you are ok with having a boyfriend in the military, and you think he is a great guy then go for it! Be honest with him about your fears, and then release that stress. There is no need to continue holding onto it. Your best bet would be to keep in touch with him as much as possible, and pray for his safety.

I believe that interracial relationships are beautiful. A person should not be judged according to their skin color. If you care about him that is all that matters. When it comes to your family and friends let them know that this is who you have chosen to be with, and you would appreciate their support in you being happy with your man. If they really care about you they will learn to accept the two of you being together. This will not be an easy rode to walk down, but I do believe that where there is a will there is a way.

Hope This Helps! 


Friday, August 28, 2009

How Do I Let Him Down Easy?

16-year-old AJ from Nevada writes:

Hey Chauntel!

I really enjoy your videos and your blog! You give great advice thats fun to read.
Anywho, on to my actual problem. I've been talking to this guy from the other town pretty frequently for a month or two now, and I'm about 99% sure he likes me. And I thought I liked him too. We've hung out and been on a couple dates. He's really nice and cute and sweet. But the last time we hung out, my friends were pressuring me to kiss him or hold his hand or something. I didn't, but it made me realize that I didn't really want to. I have no romantic feelings for this boy. But I have no idea how to tell him. I refuse to be a heartbreaker. He doesn't deserve it, and theres really no reason that I shouldn't like him. I also kind of like his friend, but I know that now after I've had this little fling with him, its impossible to be with his friend because I dont want to ruin their friendship. This whole thing is just so delicate! I need your help!

Oh, it also might help to know that I haven't ever had a relationship and this is the first guy to show interest in having a relationship with me.

Thanks so much!

Hello AJ!

Thanks so much for your support! I am so proud of you for realizing your limits. You are being true to yourself, and I applaud you for that.

The reality is as much as you try you cannot prevent his heart from being broken at this point. We date to see if we are interested in someone; that is what it's all about so you shouldn't feel bad for dating him and finding that you are not interested.

If he puts pressure on you, or tries to make you feel bad about your decision to be friends, he is not the kind of guy you want to be with anyway.

Don't get into a relationship until you are ready. Talk to your friends privately, and let them know that you would like for them to lay off when you are around him because you are not interested. If they are truly your friends they will respect your decision.

And you are right! You do not want to get involved with his friend. That will complicate things more, and will surely break his heart.Tell him that you have enjoyed getting to know him, but that you don't see him in a romantic way. It won't be easy, but it's better than you prolonging this thing and leading him on. You seem very mature! You can handle this, TRUST.

I Hope This Helps!


Is He Interested? or How Do I Let Him Go?

21-year-old Fabkitten from S. California writes:

Hi Chauntel!

I have a couple of questions and i really hope i can get some advice from you..

Question 1ok so the first situation is... ive been with this guy for 1 year and 7 months... well he broke up with me over a month ago and he still texts me "i love you... i miss you.. blah blah blah" wel l.. i don't want him back cuz our relationship was actually bad.. really bad.. he was a jerk and verbally abusive to me... he's the type who doesn't have respect for women... but i am vulnerable right now so his texts do get to me... tonight i told him not to text me anymore and he called me a fatass bitch :( i dunno why he does this to me! it's a pattern and i know he'll text me again saying all this nice stuff and he sleeps around with other girls.. i think im his booty call... i was cheated on by him so i cant trust him.. what can i do?? i don't want to give in.. i think he's tricking me... why do some exes do that??

Question 22nd situation... theres a guy whos interested me... he got my number from my friend and we've been texting for a month now... but only texting... he never calls me... and i do see him at the gym at times... but i always go up to him to say hi... he's only flirted with me thru drunk texting... :( i'm so confused about him.. these days, he'll text me but only for a lil bit and then he cuts it short by saying, "night". that's it! i want to talk to him more but i can't cuz he always cuts me short... what does this mean??? we've never hung out... he said he wants to but after this week cuz it's finals.. i respect that.. but i don't understand how he hangs with his friends every weekend but doesn't wanna spend an hour to have coffee with me or anything... :( what should i do? is he even still interested??im sorry if this is vague and lame... i'm just confused.. :( please help!

Hello Fabkitten,

1st Answer

This guy is no good for you. He is not good for you mentally, spiritually, or physically. You need to find a way to remove him from your life. You can attempt to tell him to stop calling you, but he probably will reject that information, and continue calling you. So your best bet would be to either block his number or get a new phone number.
I know that there is probably still apart of you that misses him, but you must be strong. Every time you think about missing him remind yourself of all the reasons that you need to let him go. He may say that he is going to change, but don’t listen to his words. If you are aware that he is using you, then it would be wise for you to part from him mentally. This will be challenging at first, but everyday will get a little easier.

2nd Answer
Well as for this new guy, he doesn’t sound like he is looking for a commitment. If that is what you are looking for keep looking! He may be interested, but he may not be in the place to entertain a relationship with you. He doesn’t sound like the kind of guy you need in your life right now, especially since you have just got out of this mentally abusing relationship.
It is time for you to focus on you. A good guy will come along when you least expect it. Watch My video Me Time, the web address is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDT3YeuSOVg.

I Hope This Helps!


Wednesday, July 15, 2009


You can now vote on my blog. I will issue a question to you, and you give an answer. Vote Vote Vote!

Should I Move In With My Boyfriend?

17-year-old Damsel from Australia writes

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for three months now, and lately we have been talking about moving out together. My boyfriend is 20, living at home and has a job. Our relationship is good, and most of the time we communicate very well and off course I do love him .The house I'm living in at the moment with my mum is being sold in two months, so before me and my boyfriend decided to move out together I was already thinking about moving out by myself or with a friend. Do you think its to early for me and him to take a step like this? I also don't know how to bring it up in a conversation with him! , would you have any tips?

Hello Damsel,

It is way to early girl!
You are definitely right about that. That's all you have to say to him. There really is no need for further explanation.

You are not ready for this in this state of your relationship, you are still getting to know each other. I would agree with your decision of moving in with your friend. He will understand.

Simply tell him that it would not be wise to do this at such an early state of your relationship. He will understand. If he doesn't there is something wrong with that picture, and that would cause for me to be worried about his intentions.

I Hope This Helps!


Where Do I Find an Independent Woman?

26-year-old Bill from Ohio writes,

Hi Chauntel,

Ok. Where do I find a good looking, intelligent, open-minded, independent, strong-willed girl that won't depend on me to "make her happy" or keep her entertained 24/7 and how do I approach her? I would also like ther to understand that I have a life, responsibilities and need time just to myself. :) Thanks alot!

by macsmiles.com
Hello Bill,

You are very wise in the way you are seeking this woman out. It is important for the two people in the relationship to have a "life" outside of their relationship.

I don't mean people need to live double lives...haha.. What I mean is it is important for the two people to have their independence in order for them to be good for each other when they are together.

There is not a specific place that you meet this girl physically. However, mentally she must meet you.

How will you find a girl who will meet you mentally? You need to find a girl with a passion. If she is passionate about something she will understand that you need time to yourself because she will need time to herself as well, as she seeks and fulfills her passion.

Where will you find this girl? Most likely in a working environment and maybe even online. Now don't get me wrong it also possible to meet her in a bar, at a party, at a friends house, etc. but there are much better places for you to visit that will help you find what you are looking for.

Although, as I said before it is about meeting her mentally. Try seeking this "woman" out in some type of work environment or on a college campus. This way you know she has a drive to get somewhere or do something productive with her life. If she is working or going to school it means she is driven.

If you meet a girl at a bar it's alittle tougher to determine if she is particualarly passionate about something productive.

Also, online is a great option for you. Some of the people who create online dating accounts do so because they are so tied up with doing other things they really can't find much time to date. However, it is still important to them. Therefore, they put it on their "to do list," so to speak, and they go online for dating!

You need an independent woman who wants to incorporate you into her life.

I Hope This Helps!



How do I dress like a Rocker Chick and Still be a Trendsetter?

Maggs writes:

Heyyy Chauntel,

I saw your fashion video and I agree with a lot of the things but I am a "rocker chick". I dress in the emo/scene/punk/goth/rocker/sk8r/etc. style and I wear A LOT of mini skirts, colourful/bright/graphic tees and patterned tights. I love converse and sk8 shoes and combat boots but I still want to be some what fashionable. Can you gimme advice on this?

Hello Maggs,

It's all about the accessories you choose.

Add a trendy item to your style. For example although graphic tees are already "in" if you add a scarf with it that will make it trendy.

Mini skirts are in so you are good with that.

Since you like boots. Try more trendy types. For example fringes are in this season. So you could choose boots that have fringes.

Chunky jewelry is also in! If you grab some chunky jewelry and add it to your wardrobe for the summer season!

You don't have to change your style to be trendy. It's all about what accessories you choose to jazz up your wardrobe.
I hope this helps,



Wednesday, July 8, 2009

How Do I Get My Dad to Let Me Date?

13-year-old Victoria from California writes:

Hi Chauntel My dad is way over protective and this guy im dating his name is Shinee. and this Wednesday is the last day of school and im scared ill never see him again! because my dad wont let me go out on a date so if you can help. i would really appreciate it!

by blogmagazine.org
Hello Victoria,

So truly you really have to find a way to get to your dad. I'm sure your daddy's little girl so this should not be hard for you (:

Explain to your dad all the reasons why he should let you go out. Don't use the word DATE. That will only scare him away.

Let him know that you are a responsible young lady, and that you understand his rules and regulations. Let him know that you will not overstep your boundaries.

Let him know that you are not looking to have sex with this guy you just like each other. And don't lie to your dad be honest when you say these things. The last thing you want to do is loose your dad's trust.

Let him know how imperative it is for you to begin talking to guys. Let him know you are not looking to get married, but in order to get to know how guys think to keep yourself from getting hurt in the future you need to start learning how guys operate.

Make him feel guilty by saying things like, "But dad you don't trust me? I'm being upfront and honest with you. Please show me that you trust and care about me, I won't let you down."

Make the hang out places and times appropriate for your age, especially when you are talking to your dad about why he should let you go.

For your your age, appropriate places could be a park, coffee shop, ice cream shop, or the mall for instance.

So lay it all out to him as a responsible adult. If dad still doesn't let up, you will just have to wait until he is willing to let you date, and the guy has to understand. Don't give up though keep at it, and eventually good old dad will give you a chance.

I hope this helps,

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

How do I Mask My Emotions?

Emotionally Challenged from Reynoldsburg, Ohio writes:

Dear Chauntel,

I need to learn how to mask my emotions. People sometimes say that i look like I'm about to cry, and when I get embarrassed, I blush. I don't like that people always seem to know what i am thinking. Apparently, I have certain facial expressions for everything. It is really annoying, and I need help! Do you have any advice?

Hello Emotionally Challenged,

Embrace your ability to show your emotions. It is much better to express yourself then to keep your emotions hidden all together. There is a beauty in being open and honest, most people are not.

However, I do understand your frustration. This is who you are, but you can do things to make yourself feel more comfortable in these types of social situations.

I would suggest taking yourself out of positions where you will have to expose your emotions.

Before you get emotional walk away, or turn your head. Distract yourself with something instead of giving a reaction. (ie. open your purse and look for something, begin to fix your hair, look at your nails)

Learn to control the facial expressions you use. Practice a "straight face" in the mirror, or simply smile to mask your emotions.

However, honesty is always the best policy and there is nothing wrong with being real about how you feel, so don't worry about it too much.

I hope that helps,


Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Perfect Setting for A First Kiss

14-year-old Hopeless Romantic writes:

Hey Chauntel!

I am brainstorming for a novella I am trying to write, and of course, It wouldn't be a romance without a first kiss. I don't mean to be invasive, but I was wondering what you first kiss was like, and what your favorite setting is for a kiss. I tend to lean towards the sweet and funny romantic scenes, but seeing as I haven't had my first kiss yet, I don't really have any personal experiences.

by navigatingnorth.com
Hello Hopeless Romantic!

The best place, is more about the best time. Where you are is not as important as how you feel.
However, any outdoor setting or couch setting would be nice. Steer clear from bedrooms though because they could lead to unwanted occurrences.

Romantic settings are of course the beach or anywhere near water. A drive in movie in the car is always cute. Holding hands in the park on a starry night is another great idea. Exotic places, near a fireplace, or even under the doorstep could also work.

I hope that helps,


Wednesday, June 17, 2009

My Mom Won't Let Me Date

13-year-old LadyLove from London writes:

I'm not sure if I should ask this guy out anyway but I quite want too just to sort out my feelings, But my mom is always insisting that I can't have one till I'm 16/17 and I want to be able to have a romantic relationship with someone, I mean I'm a straight A student and my room is pin neat!

by http://madamenoire.com/
Hello LadyLove,

Your best bet here is to talk to your mother. You don't want to sneak behind her back. That creates trust issues, and that is not worth it. You have you whole life to talk to guys. Don't rush it enjoy these few years until then.

I suggest that you begin talking to guys on a dating level without actually dating. This will give you insight into how they think. Which will in turn give you an upper hand on girls who will be clueless as to how guys operate. Most of these girls will consequently get their heart broken at 16. IF your mom won't let you date, then don't date just "talk" to guys.

Trust this way you will be ahead of the game, and avoid a lot of unnecessary drama in couple of years.

Don't rush things, just relax and keep your mom on your good side (: She will come around.

I hope this helps,


He is Too Young and I Miss Him

15-year-old Ali from New Zealand writes:

Hi Chauntel,

There is this guy i like alot actually but he is 12, i know i shouldnt like guys that are that younger than me! i have tried to forget about him and move on, but he lives near me but he is moving away at the end of the month(im really going to miss him) we are good friends but we do always end up fighting and calling each other names...alot of the time... during the summer we were really close,we talked to each other all day,playing football..etc we would spend much of the night texting each other it was fun i liked it! but when summer ended it all stopped...and i miss it... we also go to the same school he never talks to me at school yet i always see him looking over at me at the lockers he is usually with really pretty girls laughing with them! also i try to forget about him and i keep saying to myself he is too young for me and to move on! i have liked other guys before and gotten over them but i just cant to forget him! its driving me mad..lol it would be great if you could give some guide lines on what to do...thanks

Hello Ali!

Don't worry about the so called "pretty girls" because when a guy really cares about you it doesn't matter who else is around you when he sees you.

As far as your age goes, there are plenty of people together that are years apart so that is normal. However, realize girls mature faster than guys especially as teenagers. Keep in mind that once you turn 18, you don't want to get caught up in this until he is of age.

Ok so the next time he stares at you wave, and see how he reacts. If he waves back then go over to him and start up a conversation.

If you have been friends for so long he should understand that you miss him. Tell him how you feel, because he may be afraid to come forward. However, before you do this prepare yourself for rejection, because he may not feel the same way.

However, you never know unless you ask.

I hope this helps,


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

How to Let A Guy Know You're Not Interested & Get Out of The Friend Zone

18-year-old Shannon from New York writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I have two questions.

One is How do I get out of the friend zone? I have a crush on my guy friend. Do guys even classify women like that?

Also, How do I get rid of unwanted attention from men? Is there some way I could deal with the situation that will make it clear to them I'm not interested and be straightforward but not unkind?

Thank you very much.

Hello Shannon,

To Answer Your First Question:

Yes men do classify their women. Ask any guy he will tell you.

To get out out of the friend zone you have to transition into flirting. The way he responds to you will give you a clue on whether or not he is interested. If his body language is receptive then proceed to furthering this into spending time together outside of your normal work/school setting.

Suggest a time you could go out together. Make it casual at first like: "Let's get some Pinkberry or Starbucks one day." See if he responds positively, like "Sure sounds great!" or if he negatively reacts with something like, "Well I'm really kinda busy."

If he seems interested go for it! If not don't worry about it! No skin off your back. You don't look bad, and you can keep it pushin!

If he does seem interested start hangin out with him on your down time. You are a lady so let him take it from there. If he is shy then simply have a conversation with him about it, and if your hang outs ends with a kiss then you have definitely made that transition.

To Answer Your Second Question:

The reality is if you are a pretty woman you will always get unwanted attention from men. You can cut down on the amount of attention you receive from them by the way you dress, and the way you interact with them. If you are very friendly naturally they may take that as flirtatious.

As I have said in my videos, guys don't get hints! Therefore, if you are not interested in the guy you are going to have to come right out and tell him that, but you have the right idea you can be nice about it if he "isn't getting it."

A few key phrases to let him know that you are not interested are:

"I see you as a friend."
"I don't see you in that way, but we can still be cool."
"I am not looking for a relationship right now."
"I value our friendship to heavily to take that next step, so let's stay friends."

So take your pick. Personalize these phrases to make them your own. IF HE STILL DOESN'T GET IT YOU JUST HAVE TO TELL HIM LIKE IT IS GAL, but good for you that you are trying to let him down easy! (:

I hope this helps!



Friday, April 17, 2009

How do I Make My Friend my Boyfriend?

14-year-old Ali from New York writes:

Dear Chauntel,

Hey! My name is Ali and I live in NY. I've been having some boy troubles lately. There's this guy who I've known my whole life and he's really sweet. Our families have always been close friends so he's practically like a brother to me. But now that we're getting older I'm starting to look at him in a different way and honestly I kind of like him. He just turned 16 and is in the 10th grade, I'm 14 and in the 8th grade. He's so nice. Every time I see him he always gives me a big hug. Even if he's all sweaty from a basketball game or something like that, I can always count on that hug. And he's always telling me, and his friends, how he can't wait until I'm in the high school with him. That no guy will be allowed to hit on me and that he won't allow me to date any guy he doesn't approve of. On top of all that I went over to his house a few days ago and ending up watching a movie with him and his family, along with some other friends. I was laying on the ground and he was sitting on the couch. He put his feet on me and started messaging my back, very subtle though. If this were coming from any other guy I would definitely take it that he likes me, but because I've known him so long I not sure if he's just acting brotherly.

So these are my questions for you. . .
1. How do I know if he likes me?
2. What can I do to let him know I'm into him without being obvious?
3. What kind of things can I do that would spark his interest in me?
Thank you so so much for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it a lot.

Hello Ali,

It sounds like you really like him. He's a lucky guy. The truth is the only way to know is to ask. However, I realize that you may not want him to know that you like him, unless you know that he likes you.

So how can you let him know without being too obvious? Flirt subtly with him, and see how he reacts to you.

How might you do this? Here are a few questions you can ask him:

“Are you interested in anyone right now?”
“Can you ever see me as more than your friend?”
“What would you do if I told you that I though you were cute?”

You should phrase these in your own words, because he knows you, and he'll know if your “reading a script” so to speak.

Make sure you watch his reaction to these types of questions. Take note of not only his verbal response, but also clue in on his body language.

As far as sparking his interest in you. I figure he probably already knows if he likes you buy now. BUT it never hurts to look cute when you see him. Smell good! All tricks of the trade!

Additional Comments:
Before you do anything make sure you ready. He may not like you, and you have to prepare yourself for that. However, there is a possibility that he does. Just don't get your hopes up!

I Hope this Helps!


Saturday, March 28, 2009

How to Study for A Test

19 -year-old LaLa from South Carolina writes:

So im studying for the military entrance exam but i noticed i dont really have good study skills to me this test is kinda hard because num1 its timed and the result in failing is waiting another 6 months to retest! So my question is wat are some Good studying skills for word knowledge and my worst subject! Math lol thanks 

Hello LaLa,

by www..CitrusCollege.edu
Please don't focus on how everyone else did on the test that will just make you more anxious. As long as you do your best that is all you can do! Just because others may not have done well that doesn't exclude you from doing well.

The best way to build good study skills is to set aside time on a regular basis that you will commit to studying. So set aside about 45 minutes to an hour each day and dedicate that time to studying.

For word knowledge, make flash cards. After you have mastered the card take it out of the pile, and continue reviewing the cards you struggle with.

For math, you need to do it! The only way to learn math is to practice doing math problems. If you are struggling seek help from someone else, if not a professional tutor, one of your friends or family members.

If you haven't already buy a practice book that focuses on this exam and take practice tests.

You want to do more than just memorize. It's all about understanding. If you can explain it, then you are doing great.

Another good tip is to study with others who are also taking the exam if you can. If not you can study aloud, this will help you remember the information.

Lastly, DON'T PROCRASTINATE. If you study regularly you will be prepared for the exam. When you are taking the test make sure to relax because if you've studied you know the information. If you start stressing out just take time to breathe. Read the question and before you look at the answer choices think of the answer, then choose from the choices.

I hope this helps!



Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Does She Want to Get Back Together?

20 -year-old Reg from South Carolina writes:

Does she want to get back together? Itz kinda hard to tell...

My GF and I met at a party while we were still in highschool during our senior year ('07 and we went to seperate schools) Couple months later prom came and we went together. About two or three months later, we decided to have a relationship. (Sometime in June) When October came around, she broke up with me saying she needed to cocentrate more on school. That and the fact that the college she goes to was 3 hrs. away. (yea, I was upset, but meh) Fast frorward to about the end of '08 and the beginning of '09, and she would call me sometimes asking me for advice and stuff. During this time she told me that she found out her current BF at the time had cheated on her. They are no longer together. My question to you is, is this a sign that she may want to get back together? (the frequent calls) I mean, there are no bad feelings between us and we got along just fine it's just that I don't want a repeat of what happened earlier. What do you think?

Hello Reg!

This is what I think is going on:

Yes, I believe that there is a possibility that she wants to get back with you.

If she isn’t alluding to getting back together, I wouldn’t assume that she is ready. Listen to her phrases, and try to get a better understanding of WHY she says what she does. Is she trying to hint that she is interested in you again, or is she trying to find a way to make her last relationship work again with your advice?? This is a question you need to ask yourself.

I know it may seem ludicrous that she might want this guy back, but she probably does.

More likely than not, she is coming to you with her problems because you all have so much history together. Therefore, she is comfortable with telling you things she may not be comfortable sharing with others. In that since you are there for her, and she trusts you. She may be taking advantage of that at this point.

My advice to you would be to wait it out whether or not she is trying to get back with you, because it is obvious she is not ready yet.

BUT if I where you I would try to move on. Long Distance relationships can work, but you need a lot of strength in your relationship for that. I don’t know that you all have that right now.


Saturday, January 3, 2009

My Bestfriend's Boyfriend Likes Me!

12-year-old Danelle Spencerage (codename) from Baltimore, Maryland writes:

Dear Chauntel,

I am in the 7th and like 2 boys at once. One tends to flirt with me a lot and he has a girlfriend who is also my best friend. One is a boy that I have like for years now and he does know. My "best friend" likes him to and stuff tissues in her bra, wears extra small pants, texts him everyday, and unbuttons her shirt two buttons and then hangs over him. he doesn't pay her any attention, but seems to pay me a lot. I try my best to stay away from him because I know that my "best friend" will get jealous. Then she started sending me threatening emails telling me to stay away from him! OHHHH!! Now we are cool and she has a boyfriend. Her boyfriend got held back a grade so he isn't in any of her classes. She then flirts with the boy we both like again! I really like him and he gave me an obvious hint of who he likes so I know it me! I"M GOING NUTS! What should I do.

by www.t-shirts.com
Hello Danelle!

LEAVE YOUR BESTFRIEND'S BOYFRIEND ALONE! Ignore his flirting. If he continues, tell your bestfriend about it, because if you don't he may lie on you! Be careful how you tell her because she may be defensive about her man and not want to believe you!

It seems to me that your "best friend" isn't being much of a friend to you. Friends don't threaten one another. I suggest that you re-evaluate your friendship to see if your "best friend" is truly being a friend to you. I don't know her, but I believe you deserve a "better best friend," someone who is there for you and is concerned with your feelings and well-being.

As for the guy, he probably really does like you. In fact, most of time guys really like the girls who are modest. They mess around with the hoochies, but those are not the ones they keep close to them.

This is the thing. If you talk to the guy, you will most likely lose your best friend. You have to choose which relationship is more important to you. I say leave it be. MEANING LEAVE HIM ALONE TOO, if you feel that this girl is really your friend. The reason is because if you do end up being with the guy and it doesn't work out you loose your best friend. That wouldn't be worth it! There's plenty of guys find a better one! (:

I hope this helps!

If you guys have any questions please feel free to email me my email address is askchauntel@gmail.com. When you send in a question include:


Check out the youtube page! youtube.com/askchauntel
Add me on Myspace! myspace.com/askchauntel (:

Thanks for reading!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Ask Chauntel Introduction

Hello All!

Thanks so much for your support in watching Ask Chauntel on "youtube." For those of you who have not watched the show you can check it out at

"Ask Chauntel" is my youtube channel where I give advice on dating relationships, family, fashion, education...whatever you need advice on.

I am beginning this blog in response to the overwhelming amount of wonderful questions I receive. I answer most of the questions via a youtube video. However, for more expedient responses, for viewers who want an answer more quickly, I will be answering their questions right here in a blog!

I am totally excited, and I hope you all enjoy it! If you have any questions please feel free to email me at
askchauntel@gmail.com! (:

Thanks Again,