Thursday, January 27, 2011

How to Gain Self-Esteem

15-year-old Shay from London: writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I used to be really overweight, all the way from when I was a toddler, until about a year ago. I've lost a lot of weight, and although I still have a bit of a way to go,I look so much better than I did before. Due to my previous weight, my confidence level has gone down, so much that there was a period of time where I hated lookinginto mirrors, and I used to tell myself negative things that would happen to me. I can say that I no longer do so, but my confidence level has never come back, I am going to be starting Sixth Form in September and I really want to make new friends, and be able to meet new people, in any given situations. I am very nervous around boys, as I still feel I am the size I was, and I feelthat I am not worth a boy talking to me. I just want to know any help that you could give me, in regard to being more confident around boys and in myself.Thank you so much :-)

Hi Shay,

There are two ways to work confidence. From the outside in, and from the inside out. My advice do both.

My first suggestion is go spice up your wardrobe. You worked hard to get that weight off, so flaunt your stuff honey. Be proud of your body. Believe that you are beautiful. If you feel good about what you're rockin on the outside you will begin to feel better on the inside. Still be you, but take some risks with your clothes. Try a splash of color. Take a friend or family member with you who you trust to help you find some things that look good on you.

Get you hair done, and treat yourself to getting your nails done. Buy a new mirror. It can be a small one, nothing expensive.

Once you are all dolled up, I want you to look into that mirror. The new mirror represents a new reflection of how you will look at yourself. Now instead of focusing on what you don't like, I want you to be brave and begin focusing on what you like in that mirror.

I also want you to get involved in helping others. Volunteer. The joy of helping others will make you even more happy.

As for looking for a guy, its not time for you yet. I want you to focus on building up your self confidence before you think about a relationship. If you get into a relationship right now with low self esteem you are not going to get anything out of it. Once you have built up your esteem then you can begin thinking about a guy, but not before.

All The Best,


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

How to Get Him to Ask Me Out?

23-year-old Kathy writes:

Hey Chauntel,Recently I've been thinking that this guy is interested in me but I just can't be certain. We've been friends for about three years now and in the last few months our relationship has really intensified. We spend a lot more alone time together and then there are all the little things. When we're with a group of people he always sits next to me. He says things like he loves my laugh. Plus, our mutual guy friends are starting to make jokes about the two of us as a couple. I believe in the guy pursuing the girl but hints have been dropped since October/November. How do I get him to talk it out? I haven't been in a relationship for years and I really just want to do things right. If I'm reading the signals right at all. Thanks.

Hi Kathy,
From the information that you have given me, I cannot be confident in saying that he likes you. However, it seems that it is too soon to tell. However, you have to keep in mind that if a guy is interested he will make that aparent. He maybe on the slowful side with expressing himself.
I am in total agreeance with you, you should let him pursue you. However, you can flirt alittle and see how he reacts. It seems your stuck in the friend zone. Watch this video. It should help:

All The Best,

Ask Chauntel Diary Entry- Wisdom Teeth Extraction

Hello Loves!

So I had my wisdom teeth pulled out last Friday! Ouch! Yikes! And all that jazz.

I am all stitched up ): So not fun.

My life is talking so it has been very difficult not to talk. My friends are getting a kick out of it though. I am still very sore, swelling, and in pain. At least I don't look like a chipmunk anymore.

That is the good news. The bad news is I don't know when I will feel well enough to do a video again, so I will be using my blog more frequently. I am feeling much better though.

I learned that pain killers are more like drugs omg....they are so strong, and not always in a good way haha. So I am finally in my last semester of school. That is exciting.

Currently looking for an internship so if you know of something interesting comment below. Hey you can just comment in general.

Lots of Love!


Friday, January 21, 2011

How to Ask Him Out

13-year-old Harriet writes:

Hey Chauntel !

first you are amazing but I have a question. i have a HUGE crush on a guy that is in the same class as I am , I would like to ask him idk how you say it in English but i mean ask him do yu want to be in a realationship with me ? in Dutch we say : aanvragen

so yeah how where and when do I ask him ?
You need to know that I only see him in school he likes me and almost everywhere there are pp in my school the only thing I could do is ask him to stay on the 2nd floor and when everybody is gone i'll ask him ?
please help me out! thx xoxo

Hello Harriet,

It is best that you let him ask you to be in a relationtionship. Let him be the man. Just get to know him and flirt a bit to let him know that you are interested. He will do the rest!

I Hope This Helps!


Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Why Is He Distant?

Lisa from London writes:

Hey Chauntel!

first of all i am a huge fan and i trust your advice....

i like this guy since we chated in summer in june, we chat everyday and when school started he deleted me from everything including is black berry messanger. I still like him and i wanna talk to him face to face but i cant cause i have no confidence and very shy, all girls drool over him like hes a piece of candy. He likes to talk to 3 specific girls and 1 new girl who is ugly and chats with her...

so my question is why is he ignoring me since sckool started and why doesnt he wanna say hi or smile?

Hello Lisa,

In order to be a good boyfriend, they guy must first be a good friend. He is not treating you as a friend should. What does this mean? He needs to mature, and until then you will be wasting your time if you continue to pursue him.

You cannot force someone to do something they don't want to do. If he is not interested in talking to you, you have to let it go. There is a guy who would feel honored to grace your prescence. He is not the guy.

I Hope This Helps!


How Do I Get Her Back?

Black Guy writes:

I am an undergraduate student and i met a working class girl online, we talked for a while and we exchanged number. we both fixed a date for coffee which was established. we talked really fine and she dropped me off my residence because she drives, i am 2 years older than her and i am a black guy while she is white girl. after the date i began to call and text her more than usual and that became to make her annoyed because she didnt like it. I told her that i liked her she replied i didnt know her, so how can i like her just like that. i tried explaining to her that i really liked her and i even called her 45 times in 2 hours and that got her to say that she doesnt want someone like that. after few days i asked her for another date but she turned me down and said she is not interested. I continue to try make her know that i like her but she gets more angry. i then told her that i would leave her alone. so later i text her again and told her that i am sorry and i didnt mean to, that i still like her. i text her again the following asking how is work and how is she doing too. then she replied thanks. Now i am beging to be confused because if she sound like she is tired of me but yet she try to reply my text sometimes but not all the time. What can i do and how can i make her like me and give me the chance because i really like her and wants her to be my girl.

Hello Black Guy,

This is the thing: YOU SCARED HER AWAY. There is no return.

She replies to your texts sometimes because she is VERY NICE. However, she is not going to give you the time of day. You have lost your mystery. She is not interested in getting to know you any longer.

My advice is leave this girl alone. She is creeped out by you. You never call a girl that many times in an hour. You will surely scare her away. In fact you should never call her that much even in 2 weeks.

What you can now do is learn from this experience.

If you have a date one night. You can follow up the next night. If she doesn't answer let her call you back, or call her back a couple of days later. You made yourself out to be desperate. That is unattractive to women.

I am going to recommend that you watch my most viewed video:

I Hope This Helps!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Guys Have Feelings Too

29-year-old Vijay from India writes:

Hi Chauntel,
I watched your video "Dating Advice" on you tube, its cool.

Well before going further i would to wish to Marry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Now my problem is,I had a female friend. I used to like her so much. so i proposed her one day but she got angry and i lost friendshipwith her too. It was my first time proposing someone, I was 21 years old at that time. I was seriously feeling hurt because of that incident.

Hello Vijay,

Happy New Year to you as well. I understand that it hurts when you are rejected. Sometimes it takes some time to heal. That time is important. However, there comes a time when you have to let the hurt go so that you can continue to move forward.

In order for you to be happy you will have to leave the past in the past and look to the future. In the present you are actively passing up the opportunity to love. Love is a risk that is worth taking. However, when you take a risk there is always a chance of getting hurt. As long as you can accept that you will be ok.

My advice is take the risk, but guard your heart until it is time to let the walls down. Although, men are told not to show emotion, it's ok to feel and that is what you are doing right now. So decide in your mind that you are going to take this risk to ensure your own happiness.

I Hope This Helps!


He Blocked Me on Facebook

Hey guys listen to my answer to Alex's question:

All The Best,


I am Too Shy To Talk to Him

14-year-old CassySwaggaGirl from Canada writes:

Hi! Ok so there's this guy that likes me. I know it because one of his friends told me and he always seemed nervous around me and he always tried to get my attention and it was obvious. All of his friends knew that i liked him back. The problem is that its been 2 years since we liked eachother but we don't wanna talk to eachother. My friends think that i scare guys away since im pretty bitchy with them. Thats why he didn't wanted to talk to me. Because he is scared of me. I'm to shy too talk to him and he's shy too talk to me. And I made him suffer so its even harder. What should I do? ps. if i was a bitch with him, its because i wanted to hide my feelings. (I know smart) thank you!!! :)

Hola CassySwaggaGirl!

He just needs to get to know you again. Maybe you should try being a little nicer this time. If he is worth it he'll give you another shot. If not then just learn from this so that you don't make the same mistake again. Don't beat yourself up about this. We all have these experiences.

As far as you being shy, you won't find it so hard to talk to him once you become friends with him. It just takes time to build up that relationship.

Also, this video should help:

I Hope This Helps!


Sunday, January 2, 2011

He Won't Kiss Me!

13-year-old Haley from Nebraska writes:
Dear Chauntel,

I'm 13 and I'm dating this boy. we have been dating for 3 months :) and I really want to kiss him. I have had my first kiss last year :) but Now when i have asked to kiss him and when he thinks we should he said he doesn't know. he said we weren't ready. :( I am his first GF so maybe he's just super nervous but pls give me advice on how to get him to kiss me :) I have been ready for the last 3 months :) thanks

Hi Haley,

It sounds like you have a nice guy here. Don't rush him. You are so young. There is plenty of time. Appreciate him, and when it is time it will happen on its own. Trust.
You get the exercise patience picture.

I Hope This Helps!
ChauntelCheck Spelling

He is Just Not that Into You

13-year-old Gifty101 writes:

There's this guy I like who's 15 and his name is Franklin. He goes tomy church and I have a huge crush on him. Whenever I see him I getnervous and can't speak and I'm unable to flirt with him. One of hisfriends told him that I liked him and he said he knew but he wouldrather date someone in his own grade cause he's a freshmen inhighschool and I'm a senior in middle school. Should I be happy withthat response, does that mean he would go out with me or he likes me.I need help to build confidence and start flirting with him. Can youplease tell me any signs of him liking me or him wanting to go outwith me. I'll send you a picture of him and a separate picture of me.

Hello Gifty101,

This guy is doing you a favor by being honest with you. Most guys will give you the run around. So there are no signs. He was crystal clear. He is not interested.

I know it hurts to accept it, but for now you should build a friendship with him. There will be other guys. You just have to be patient love (:

All The Best,


Go to a Black Church?

Michael T. BIGGEST FAN writes:

Hi Chauntel,

BIG FAN! Anyways, I got a problem. I like to visit many places and countries and churches. And I have been practically to more than 15 countries; since I'm in the Air force, but never got to visit a black church. I really like how they praise God and Sing...Do you know if I will be welcomed to the church? How would people view me in there? For example if you were in church and saw a white guy what would you think?...I really love this church and want to go to it, but I'm no sure how to proceed with it.I know your advice is always the right one.Thanks for any advice!

Hi Michael,

God is for everyone in every church no matter what. Although you may get a second look or smile when you first come into a black church they will accept you with open arms! I say go for it! If you are feeling uncomfortable then there is something wrong with that church and you should try another. I know because I go to one (:

All The Best!


Date A Guys Bestfriend?

14-Year-Old Katie writes:
Hi Chauntel,
Last year I had a big crush on this guy but i'm losing feelings for him but i'm starting to like his best friend, me and his best friend talk alot we are good friends but i'm scared to tell him I like him because I don't want are friendship to get weird.

Hi Katie,
Never date a guys bestfriend it makes you look bad.
I Hope This Helps!


Saturday, January 1, 2011

Hairy Arms- What to do?

12-years-old Allen Girl from Georgia writes:

Hey, Chauntel.

I Have very hairy arms, and it affects a lot of what I wear and do. My brothers make fun of me all the time, and some of my friends do, too. What should I do? I just want to get rid of it. I feel totally different from everybody else, cause everyone I know doesn't have to deal with this. Please Help!

Hello Allen Girl,

You are not alone! There is this thing called puberty. During puberty these things in your body called hormones change. This happens as a result of a change in your pituitary gland.
Boys and girls both get hairy arms when this happens. It is natural.

As you will observe, there are other things that change in your body during puberty as well besides the hairy armpits in both girls and boys.

The only way that you would not have hairy arms is if there was something significantly wrong with your body. In some countries hairy arms on women is attractive.

In America, women are usually teased for hairy arms.

So what do we do? We usually use hair removal cremes, and or a razor and shaving creme. Veet is a great hair removal creme, but for your under arms I recommend shaving. Talk to your mom about this she can help you buy what you need!

I Hope This Helps!


Ask Chauntel Diary Entry 1/1/11

Hello My Loves!

Wow its 1/1/11. That will never happen again!

I had an awesome time praising God, and thanking him for helping me come into a new year. It has been awesome watching Oprah on OWN as well.

So, I am catching up with reading your questions! Excited with what we are getting ready to do with

Enjoy time with your families! I know I will!

Lots of Love,