Sunday, August 30, 2009

How Can I Be a Nice-Guy Without Being a Pushover?

17-year-old Jacob from Ohio writes:

Hey Chauntel,

Ijust watched your Nice guys finish last video( and one thing you said girls look for is backbone.

I, as do some friends, see me as that nice guy. my challenge is that, i have back bone but dont know how to show it without looking like im in a bad mood. or that im disgusted with the person (i tend to be overly serious maybe?)

Well my question for you is: How do i show that im not a push over. but at the same time let a girl know im also a nice guy?


Hello Jacob!

If you allow the woman to get to know you, by becoming friends first, she will know that you are a nice guy. You do not have to spell it out for her.

Showing backbone is simply showing the woman that you have your opinion and beliefs about important topics. The way you can avoid being mean or appearing to be a pushover is to simply let her know that although you have your own feelings, you also value her opinion. Listen to what she has to say and give you opinion when appropriate.

Another way that you can show you have backbone is to make small suggestions. Like, "Hey lets go to TGI Fridays tomorow." If she says, "I really don't like that restaurant." Simply say, "Ok, well I want to go somewhere tomorrow if you have time. Where would you like to go?" She will then realize that you have a plan in mind, but are not overlooking her wishes.

Simply showing her that you will take care of her is important. Show her little things like, when you are both walking down the street, have her walk on the inside, not the outside of the sidewalk. This hints to her that you are protecting her. When you sit in a restaurant put her in a position away from the door.
If someone is mistreating her at work or at school, show interest in that. Let her know that you are there to back her up if she needs you.

You don't have to change your demeanor to show backbone. It's more about showing her that you can make your own wise decisions, and that you care about keeping her safe. However, don't become overbearing. These are things you show from time-to-time.

As far as her knowing that you are nice, just be yourself. She will recognize it as she builds a frienship with her.

I Hope This Helps!


Saturday, August 29, 2009

Interracial Relationships

18-year-old Mimi from Canada writes:

Hey Chauntel :)

I have been dating this guy for about a month now and it's going really really well. He's been a fantastic boyfriend. I've found someone who I match with. Anyways it's been going pretty well but I have two little problems. The first thing is that this summer he's gone to the yukon for two monthes because he's doing military training. I know i'm going to miss him alot but this is in preparation for when he joins the real army next year. I want to be supportive of his decision but If he joins the military he might have to get somewhere and who knows how long it will be before I see again and also it's such a dangerous job... what if something bad happens to him? Anyways I guess I'm just trying to say that I'm pretty worried about him. So do you think I should tell him my concerns?

The second question is that ever since I started dating him I've been having alot of people who have been telling me we shouldn't be together. it's because he's white and I'm black... I mean his background doesn't bother me but I don't know why everyone else keeps bringing up this the whole race issue... so I guess I'm just hoping to get your thoughts on the whole interracial dating thing.

Hello Mimi,

You can't have a healthy relationship without trust and communication, and for that reason you should be open and honest with him about your fears. He will expect for you to be worried about him. If you are ok with having a boyfriend in the military, and you think he is a great guy then go for it! Be honest with him about your fears, and then release that stress. There is no need to continue holding onto it. Your best bet would be to keep in touch with him as much as possible, and pray for his safety.

I believe that interracial relationships are beautiful. A person should not be judged according to their skin color. If you care about him that is all that matters. When it comes to your family and friends let them know that this is who you have chosen to be with, and you would appreciate their support in you being happy with your man. If they really care about you they will learn to accept the two of you being together. This will not be an easy rode to walk down, but I do believe that where there is a will there is a way.

Hope This Helps! 


Friday, August 28, 2009

How Do I Let Him Down Easy?

16-year-old AJ from Nevada writes:

Hey Chauntel!

I really enjoy your videos and your blog! You give great advice thats fun to read.
Anywho, on to my actual problem. I've been talking to this guy from the other town pretty frequently for a month or two now, and I'm about 99% sure he likes me. And I thought I liked him too. We've hung out and been on a couple dates. He's really nice and cute and sweet. But the last time we hung out, my friends were pressuring me to kiss him or hold his hand or something. I didn't, but it made me realize that I didn't really want to. I have no romantic feelings for this boy. But I have no idea how to tell him. I refuse to be a heartbreaker. He doesn't deserve it, and theres really no reason that I shouldn't like him. I also kind of like his friend, but I know that now after I've had this little fling with him, its impossible to be with his friend because I dont want to ruin their friendship. This whole thing is just so delicate! I need your help!

Oh, it also might help to know that I haven't ever had a relationship and this is the first guy to show interest in having a relationship with me.

Thanks so much!

Hello AJ!

Thanks so much for your support! I am so proud of you for realizing your limits. You are being true to yourself, and I applaud you for that.

The reality is as much as you try you cannot prevent his heart from being broken at this point. We date to see if we are interested in someone; that is what it's all about so you shouldn't feel bad for dating him and finding that you are not interested.

If he puts pressure on you, or tries to make you feel bad about your decision to be friends, he is not the kind of guy you want to be with anyway.

Don't get into a relationship until you are ready. Talk to your friends privately, and let them know that you would like for them to lay off when you are around him because you are not interested. If they are truly your friends they will respect your decision.

And you are right! You do not want to get involved with his friend. That will complicate things more, and will surely break his heart.Tell him that you have enjoyed getting to know him, but that you don't see him in a romantic way. It won't be easy, but it's better than you prolonging this thing and leading him on. You seem very mature! You can handle this, TRUST.

I Hope This Helps!


Is He Interested? or How Do I Let Him Go?

21-year-old Fabkitten from S. California writes:

Hi Chauntel!

I have a couple of questions and i really hope i can get some advice from you..

Question 1ok so the first situation is... ive been with this guy for 1 year and 7 months... well he broke up with me over a month ago and he still texts me "i love you... i miss you.. blah blah blah" wel l.. i don't want him back cuz our relationship was actually bad.. really bad.. he was a jerk and verbally abusive to me... he's the type who doesn't have respect for women... but i am vulnerable right now so his texts do get to me... tonight i told him not to text me anymore and he called me a fatass bitch :( i dunno why he does this to me! it's a pattern and i know he'll text me again saying all this nice stuff and he sleeps around with other girls.. i think im his booty call... i was cheated on by him so i cant trust him.. what can i do?? i don't want to give in.. i think he's tricking me... why do some exes do that??

Question 22nd situation... theres a guy whos interested me... he got my number from my friend and we've been texting for a month now... but only texting... he never calls me... and i do see him at the gym at times... but i always go up to him to say hi... he's only flirted with me thru drunk texting... :( i'm so confused about him.. these days, he'll text me but only for a lil bit and then he cuts it short by saying, "night". that's it! i want to talk to him more but i can't cuz he always cuts me short... what does this mean??? we've never hung out... he said he wants to but after this week cuz it's finals.. i respect that.. but i don't understand how he hangs with his friends every weekend but doesn't wanna spend an hour to have coffee with me or anything... :( what should i do? is he even still interested??im sorry if this is vague and lame... i'm just confused.. :( please help!

Hello Fabkitten,

1st Answer

This guy is no good for you. He is not good for you mentally, spiritually, or physically. You need to find a way to remove him from your life. You can attempt to tell him to stop calling you, but he probably will reject that information, and continue calling you. So your best bet would be to either block his number or get a new phone number.
I know that there is probably still apart of you that misses him, but you must be strong. Every time you think about missing him remind yourself of all the reasons that you need to let him go. He may say that he is going to change, but don’t listen to his words. If you are aware that he is using you, then it would be wise for you to part from him mentally. This will be challenging at first, but everyday will get a little easier.

2nd Answer
Well as for this new guy, he doesn’t sound like he is looking for a commitment. If that is what you are looking for keep looking! He may be interested, but he may not be in the place to entertain a relationship with you. He doesn’t sound like the kind of guy you need in your life right now, especially since you have just got out of this mentally abusing relationship.
It is time for you to focus on you. A good guy will come along when you least expect it. Watch My video Me Time, the web address is

I Hope This Helps!