Wednesday, January 30, 2013

How To Attract a Guy When You are an Athelete

15-year-old Brooklyn from Canada writes:

Hey Chauntel,

I play numerous sports, get good grades, and am outgoing! But yet I still can't attract a guy, my bestfriend has guys all over her and yet I can't even interest one. I don't know what's wrong with me, help!

Hi Brook!

I am so glad that you are in sports! That is awesome both for your health and for your future. It is helpful for your health because you are getting great exercise! It is helpful for your future because if you keep working hard you may eventually get a scholarship. Also, it is good to involve yourself with an extracurricular activity as it keeps you busy and away from trouble.

As far as the guys go, they love athletic girls, but that should not be your reason for being an athlete. You should be an athlete because you love it, not because you hope to attract a guy. However, being an athelete will put you in the "cool" category in school most of the time, and it will make you more appealing to guys.

Here is one thing that I want you to keep in mind, you should not be comparing yourself to your bestfriend. Sure it is easy to do that because she is your age, and you are around her all the time. have to consider that fact that you are your own person. The fact that you are bestfriends must mean that you compliment eachother and are probably different in many ways. With that said, you should not worry about the guys that she is attracting. If you want a guy, they you have to create the opportunities for you to meet and be around them.

Now, granted being an athelete is attractive, but it is also time consuming. The time that you might be spending hanging out at the mall, or movies, or other places will be spent in practice. This limits the time that you have for boys. The fact that you play an all girls sport limits the amount of time that you are going to have for guys. I am not saying that you cannot have both sports and boys, but what I am saying is give yourself a break your time is limited. You are a busy girl between school and sports. Relationships take time to initiate and to grow.

Most of the time, the best relationships come when you least expect it. So....if you want a guy, you are probably going to have to meet him at lunch, or in class. I wouldn't rush this. You have plenty of time for guys. Stop driving yourself crazy. Be patient, when you have the time you will attract the guy.

I Hope This Helps!


Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Do I Need to Wear Make-up to Attract Guys?

15-year-old Maria writes:

Hello Chauntel!

I love your channel and I just wanted you to know that you are amazing :) So. i wanted to ask you a question: I see all these girls  when i go out (Saturday night) and they all wear so much make up and I am wondering, do i have to do the same? I mean I feel beautiful without make up on, but all guys somehow get attracted to that.  And I am wondering if the guy i like, loves make up on women. Any advice?

by Marin
Hi Maria!

I am so glad that you asked this question. It is near and dear to my heart. Before I answer your question, I wanted to thank you for your kind words.

Now, for the good stuff. Make-up is suppose to be used to enhance your natural beauty. However, it absolutely, positively, NOT necessary for you to wear it. You should not feel pressured to wear make-up to attract a guy.

In fact, a lot of guys that I know don't like make-up because they see it as a "mask". The women that they witness wearing it, look like two different people, haha. One with it, and one without it. 

To attract a guy, you need to have confidence. If you'd like you can add a bit of gloss to lips and a bit of eye shaddow to bring out your eyes. Those are the two focal points that guys pay close attention too.

Your hair and your scent are probably the most important things to think about when considering attracting a man. A little make up can go a long way, but don't over due it. 



Monday, January 7, 2013

Intelligent Girls Finish Last

New Youtube Video!


5 Tips on What do you text a Boy/Girl you just met?

by Ambro

21-year-old CJ writes:

I've been texting this girl for about a week now and the past couple nights she ends up saying she's goin to bed text me tomorrow and I simply reply goodnight : )

And then she replies with goodnight ;) I want to keep it interesting when should I text her and how do I keep her interest? Lol thank you so much it feels good to talk to someone about it without people knowing I have a little crush. 

Hi CJ!

This is such a cute question. Texting is really just another form of communicating with her. 

Before I address your question, about texting specifically, let me say that. You need to find out what extraneous factors are causing her to text good night, not replying to the rest of your messages. Are  you texting her too much? Is she too busy to text? Are you texting her at bad times where she is not available  to reply back? Is she uncomfortable with the conversations? Or is she simply more of a phone person, and not a "texter"?

Think of it as a way to send her a quick thoughtful note. For example, sending a "Thinking of You" can be very sweet.

Some people enjoy texting more than others, and you can use texting as a way to begin to get to know someone. However, I would definetly not use it as a replacement for talking on the phone, or face-to-face. 

With all that said, when you first begin texting someone I think there are a couple of things to consider. 

First off, don't be paranoid. People get so caught up in what to text that they begin over rationalizing what they should say. You should think about what you are typing, just as you should think before you speak, but you should not do it to the point where you begin to have anxiety...haha...

Second, have fun with it. It should be a flirty conversation that leaves both of you laughing and smiling. However, don't be inappropriate in your flirting where you make her feel uncomfortable. Find ways to make her laugh, mostly at you, or something not someone. You can joke about cute things about her, but be careful with this because you just met her so you are not sure about her insecurities. 

Third, talk about her! What is she doing? How is her day? What would she like to do? Where would she like to go? You can reminisce on when you met, where you met, why you were there, and how awesome it was that you met.

Fourth, talk about you doing things together. This will give you an idea of what she enjoys and will put her in the mindset of wanting to see you again.

Fifth, you have to flirt. If you flirt with her through text messages, and she flirts back you know that you are still peaking her interest. If she seems distant it probably means that you are going about this wrong, or it means she is just not that into you.

I Hope This Helps!


10 Ways to Build a New Successful Relationship - Relationship Advice - Ask Chauntel

29-year-old James writes:

Hello Chauntel,

So, a female friend of mine who frequents your youtube videos suggested i look you up on youtube.  After some convincing I did just that, and i must say, you have some pretty good advice and you give a sound perspective from a reasonable woman (at least you seem reasonable on your videos, lol).... 

...a little about me - Somewhat recently there has been some changes in my life, I ended up getting a divorce and basically starting over with a lot of things in my life. In my mind this is one of the worst things that could have happened because I don't like divorce but it turned out being for the better especially after the truth reared it's ugly head about my ex-wife. I wasn't expecting things to pan out that way but they did and I dealt with it and it made me a better man.... 

...I took some personal time for a while (about a year and a half), I kinda stayed off the "scene" and i have only dated 2 women since I've been single. these were both very, very, VERY short lived relationships as i kinda knew right off the back that I wasn't feelin it too much. Recently I met this VERY nice woman who's relationship back ground is extremely similar to mine.  She has a lot of qualities that are rare these days and what I've been looking for for a long time She is divorced also, and dealt with some unfortunate treatment from her ex as well that she had to overcome. I am really liking what i'm seeing from her so far and we have MANY similar interests and we have a really good vibe together....I don't want to make something work if it's just not meant to be BUT from what I can see so far that isn't going to be an issue. .....for lack of better words, Help me keep this woman... lol 

i look forward to your response

Hello James,

I am so glad that things are going well between the two of you. Although, I am not aware of why your past relationship did not work out. I can give you a few general things to consider when looking to make a new relationship last. 

I have written 10- Ways to Build a New Successful Relationship. These are for serious relationships.

1. Build a Solid Foundation in Trust
If you take time to build trust in each-other, your relationship will not break or waiver. You should be able to have faith in one another. So that you won't have to stock each other's phones, emails, and Facebook accounts. 

2. Learn the Value of Compromise
It's not about you, and it is not about her, it about the "us." What can "we" do to make both of "us" happy. Sometimes, it is best to let her have her way. I know you are not married to her yet, but think of the saying "Happy Wife, Happy Life." For you it may be letting her choose where the vacation might be or what color we should paint the bathroom. 

It goes both ways for women too. Most of the time, it deals with different topics, though, such as letting you drive the motorcycle even-though it scares her to death. She might choose to let you do it, because she knows you love it, and it will make you happy.

3. Pay Close Attention to Detail and be Compassionate
If she doesn't want to have sex you should be able to read her body language, and you should not pressure her to do anything to make her feel uncomfortable. Also, you should know when she might need a massage, or when you need to take the spoon from her while she is cooking on the stove, and tell her to have a seat. Maybe slip her a cute little coupon made by you with some cash that says, "Pamper Yourself" Hair, Nails, Be Beautiful!

4. Exercise Active Listening Skills
If she is talking, listen. Don't just stare at her lips, but actually take time to pay attention to what she is saying. And paraphrase it back to her when she is done so that she knows that she was heard and understood. This provides her with assurance that the two of you are on the same page. Women need a lot of reassurance, it is the emotional part of our being. 

5. Learn to Communicate Effectively
Even if you don't want to talk about it, please do. If you don't it gets worse. However, it is important to know when it is appropriate to have a particular conversation. 

6. Set Boundaries from the Beginning
The two of you should know your roles. Are you a modern couple or are you traditional. Do you guys go dutch or do you always pick up the tab? Or do the two of you switch off? Do you plan  to have children or are you done with having them? If you do have children where will you live? How will they be raised? Who is the bread winner of the family? Will she want to work or be a stay at home mom? Are you ok with her staying at home? Are you ok with her working? 

Can the two of you have friends of the opposite sex? If so what is appropriate with keeping those relationships alive? What are both of your feelings about this?

7. Take it Slow but Know Your Limits
In every relationship, at least one person wants to make a serious commitment. Is there a timeframe? Do either of you care? Is it even time to go in this direction, maybe its too soon to think so serious?

The two of you need to know each others limits to some degree. It may be something that is expressed and discussed from the beginning, and it may not, but some type of understanding must be established. 

8. Be Sure That Both of You are Aware of Each-others Expectations
What are your expectations of her, and what are her expectations of you. Most of these you learn as you go, but some need to be discussed in more detail. 

9. Talk About the Non-negotiables and Find a Consensus
As you are beginning to get more serious within your relationships, you must talk about your 5 non-negotiables. For example: children, religion, education, career and location.......etc.

10. Be a Great Active Listener 
Listen closely to what she is saying and identify the challenges that she is expressing, and do your best to counteract those challenges. 

I Hope This Helps!


I Am A Virgin & I Don't Want to Have Sex Until Marriage - Dating Advice - Ask Chauntel

16-year-old Ginny writes

Hey Chauntel,

Ive been watching your videos for a while now and i think you give great advice.

My problem is i want a boyfriend but dont want to have sex. Im waiting for marriage. It seems impossible to find someone who doesnt want sex at all. I'm fairly attractive and use to model . So when guys  hit on me i know its cause of my looks and i know that they want more than i want from the relationship.  How do i find someone to date ( long term) without doing it?

I know im still young but ive met alot of guys and they all seem to have a common end goal if you know what i mean. Am i going to have to wait forever?  Please help me.

Hi Ginny,

Thank you so much for your support. I really want to encourage you to stay on your path. It may seem hard, and it may even seem impossible, but I am a living witness that it is not.

The reason that you have to deal with the phenom of, feeling like it is "normal" to have sex before marriage is because over the past few decades our society has made seem it that way. There are so many girls out there who are "giving it up" for one reason or another. They are mostly doing it because they do not have enough self respect to hold back, and others just want to secure the guy.

Let me be the first to tell you that sex does not secure anything. It does not "keep a man". It may "get the man," but that is temporary. 

Please, please, please, do not settle. You will regret it without a doubt. Sex for girls is much more emotional than it is for guys. Guys can do it without thinking much about it. Now, not all guys are that way, but most are.

Also, your first time should be special, and with someone you love. Contrary to popular belief when you have sex for the first time it is painful, and a lot of girls who end up pregnant or with an STD or AIDs, do so because they are unexperienced.

I want you to stop thinking of sex as a way to get a guy; it is not. You want your first time to be with someone who loves and respects you. 

Staying a virgin until marriage is taboo in our society, but it should not be. Viewing your body as a Temple of God, will help to keep you. If you are serious about this, you need to make sure that you are not putting yourself in situations where you will be tempted for sex to happen.

I waited until marriage, and there are not a lot of girls who can say that, but stick to your morals values you will be so glad you did.

Also, here is a scripture from the Bible 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20

Glorify God in Body and Spirit

18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body[c] and in your spirit, which are God’s.

I Hope This Helps!


Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Is She Interested?

22-year-old Harold writes:

Hey Chauntel....

We see each other regularly at least 5 times per week because we run track. I've know this girl for seven months and have expressed my interest in being more than just friends five months into the friendship. She always says hi, smiles and jokes around with me, but in terms of initiating physical contact voluntarily,she has kinda put a hault on that since I have expressed interest. 

Given the fact that she is aware of how I feel about her, she still tends to have a little too much fun around guys when I'm around, whether at the track or at a party. She'll dance with me for a good minute or two and then pull away without the song even finishing, yet she's grinding all up on other guys without the same problem, as if to say that she doesn't care about losing me or care about how I feel. At the end of the day, she still says hi, accepts my hugs, and claims that she's not trying to avoid me and that she is aware that I'm trying to be more than just friends. We haven't gone out on a date yet, and every time I try to hint about me fitting into her weekend schedule, she always claims that sometimes she just wants to be alone and do her own thing on the weekends since she's working all week. As of the moment, I'm still trying to communicate with her and trying to hopefully take her out if she's interested, which is what I'm trying to figure out from her.

Can she just be teasing or playing along to not hurt my feelings? It's driving me nuts!

Hi Harold,

Let me put you out of your misery. This chick just isn't interested in you. Sorry.

I think she may just be nice, and trying not to hurt your feelings.

Either way, you need to put time into something else. I would not spend anymore time here.

I Hope This Helps!