Ask Chauntel Blog Has Migrated

Hey Guys!

I have been trying to hold onto this blog, as I have had it for almost 5 years. However, earlier this summer I started a new blog. Doing the exact same thing, just using another platform.

So, I think I am going to go ahead and migrate completely over to http://www.askchauntel.com

If you would like to see new posts from me as well as new videos follow my new blog:

New Blog

http://www.askchauntel.com/blog

What are you waiting for? Go check it out!!

3 Ways To Avoid Online Dating CatFish

by imagery majestic

The world of Online Dating is growing and growing with over 40 million men and women looking for love. It provides an opportunity for many individuals to meet who would not otherwise have had the opportunity to interact with one another.

Catfish are individuals who create a false identity by pretending to be someone that they are not online, many times they do this to pursue online romances.

Here are 3 ways to Avoid a Catfish

1. Find Their Facebook: If they do not have any social media or if their social media does not have photos of them you should be sceptical. Take a look at their photos and their friends. If they have photos with other individuals who are not tagged in the photos that should raise a red flag. Also, if the individual has fewer than 100 friends you should also be cautious.

2. Use the Phone: Have a voice conversation on the phone with the individual that you met online. Communicating through email and text messages alone is not enough.

3. Use the Webcam: The best way avoid dating a catfish is get them to show their face. With new FREE technologies like Skype and Google Hangouts there is no reason why your online lover wouldn't be able to show their face. If they don't have a webcam they can buy one for less than $40.

Email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

I Want Out of My Relationship

Darrah writes,

Hi Chauntel!

I've had dreams about me kissing my friend,  but I've got a boyfriend. I do feel for my friend, but not in a love way. It's happened a couple of times and maybe its because I've been unsure.

If I want to break up with him because I never see him, and he's not good at the long distance thing. I live in Aberdare in Wales, and he lives in Newport about and hour and 45 minute drive so can you give me any help.

Hi Darrah,

When you dream it's your unconscious coming to light. However, conscious or not you have already made it clear that you are ready to let go of your boyfriend.

The distance doesn't make this any easier. There is no need to drag this out, whether or not you have feelings for your friend, if you want to let go of the realtionship you are in then you have to be brave and do it.

It is not fair to either you or your boyfriend to stay in this relationship if you do not have true feelings for him. So you have to be honest with him, and let him know how you feel, honestly and truly. You can do it. Just pick the appropriate place and time. I hope that you can do this in person. Try to wait until you see him before you break the news.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

Email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Being Bullied and Insecure About Myself

14-year-old Nancy writes:

Hi Chauntel!

So I'm watching your videos right now and I thought it is a good idea to write an email to you.

It's not going to be an email about boys or something like that. It's about me and my self-esteem.

When I look at the mirror I don't see anything bad. But people in my school are bully me because

of my large and bulging (REALLY bulging) eyes. I'm only 14 and I can't deal with it. What should I do?

Hi Nancy,

It's funny that it's your eyes that you point out because I have just the opposite problem. My eyes are so small. When I smile they almost completely go away. In fact when I was a baby my family asked my mom if she was sure that she had taken home the right baby because they thought I looked Chinese.

The reality is, we all have something about ourselves that Make us stand out. However, God made us just the way we are for a specific purpose. Lucky for me I was able to see your picture when you wrote in. What the kids at school don't know or quite understand is that your beauty is in your eyes.

After reading your question I took a look at your photo, and let me tell you those eyes of yours could take you far in modeling. I am not sure how tall you are, but if you are at leastt 5'9" you should really consider high fashion modeling. Here is an excellent resource that I found: http:http://www.exploremodeling.com/ If you are not that tall, not to worry they're are other areas of modeling. However, don't go into that unless you develop thick skin. I just wanted to mention this to you as an option because I think you're beautiful and you should give it a try.

Now to address your question specifically, what do you do? You take what they say with a grain of salt. Kids at school are always gonna find something mean to say about each other. It was like that for me, and it is going to be like that for you. If you embrace your beautiful eyes they will eventually leave you alone about it. The only reason they continue to tease you is they know that they are getting to you. If you truly begin to love your eyes, and let what they say role off your sleeve they will notice your confidence and hopefully buzz off.

I was never good with coming up with ways to talk back to people so I would just ignore them or walk away. I know it really hurts. but this is only for a season. It gets better, and once your modeling they will make fun of you because of their jealousy.

So what's the moral of the story here? People talk, ignore them. You choose your destiny not them. You have the power to wake up every morning and love what you see in the mirror.

Is He Using Me For My Friend?

15-year-old Beth from England writes:

Hello Chauntel!

I’m a massive fan of your channel, I love it! and i find everything so useful and always cheers me up! 

I need your advise on a few things because I have 3 older brothers and no mum so never get any advise, so I always look to you as a big sister  I like this boy, but he use to fancy my friends, so he became friends with me so he could spend more time with my friend who I fancied, this happened twice and I’m not sure if he likes me as a friend or just using me? cos I really like him, what should I do???

and I also like this guy who lives 5 hours away from me and its really hard, we skype every week but I miss him always cheering me up, what should I do? and I’m always feed up as guys fancying me when they meet me but not when I get to know them cos I’m out going and stuff, should I change myself?

well I hope you can help,
from your little sister
Beth 
xxxxxxxxxx

by imagerymajestic

Hello Little Sister Beth 

I am so glad that my videos have been helpful to you. I hope they continue to be so. I am sorry that you do not have a mom. I like how you say it better though, mum. However, I am glad that in-spite of all of that, you are a strong beautiful young women and God has allowed us to cross paths.

With that said, it would take a lot of energy for this guy to use you simply to get to your friend. However, people do this sort of thing all the time. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Just keep your eye on him to see if he is just keeping a relationship with you to keep her around. If you feel that way you should just talk to him about it. Friends should talk these things through, that’s how friendships get stronger.

As for the guy who lives far away, it sounds like you all are building a great friendship and that is wonderful. However, I wouldn’t worry too much about trying to be boyfriend and girlfriend with him. You are so young, and a long distance relationship at your age just doesn’t quite make sense.

However, keep your friendship and who knows what will happen in the future.

As, for changing yourself. If you watch my videos you know better than to ask this question. You are beautiful just the way you are. Nothing, and no one should try to change that. The second a guy does, you drop him. You deserve to be loved for who you are, and if you don’t who else will?

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

http://www.askchauntel.com

askchauntel@gmail.com

How do I let her go? -Relationship Advice - Ask Chauntel

Is she interested? - Dating Advice -Ask Chauntel

Done with Graduate School - Ask Chauntel Diary Entry

Good News!

I finished my Master's Degree program over the weekend! That means, I am all done with classes!!!

Woot, Woot! More time to blog! So excited!

Is She Interested?

22-year-old Harold writes:

Hey Chauntel....


We see each other regularly at least 5 times per week because we run track. I've know this girl for seven months and have expressed my interest in being more than just friends five months into the friendship. She always says hi, smiles and jokes around with me, but in terms of initiating physical contact voluntarily,she has kinda put a hault on that since I have expressed interest. 

Given the fact that she is aware of how I feel about her, she still tends to have a little too much fun around guys when I'm around, whether at the track or at a party. She'll dance with me for a good minute or two and then pull away without the song even finishing, yet she's grinding all up on other guys without the same problem, as if to say that she doesn't care about losing me or care about how I feel. At the end of the day, she still says hi, accepts my hugs, and claims that she's not trying to avoid me and that she is aware that I'm trying to be more than just friends. We haven't gone out on a date yet, and every time I try to hint about me fitting into her weekend schedule, she always claims that sometimes she just wants to be alone and do her own thing on the weekends since she's working all week. As of the moment, I'm still trying to communicate with her and trying to hopefully take her out if she's interested, which is what I'm trying to figure out from her.

Can she just be teasing or playing along to not hurt my feelings? It's driving me nuts!


Hi Harold,

Let me put you out of your misery. This chick just isn't interested in you. Sorry.

I think she may just be nice, and trying not to hurt your feelings.

Either way, you need to put time into something else. I would not spend anymore time here.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel
askchauntel@gmail.com
askchauntel.com

I Want to Be a Star, but What is College?

8th Grade Mya writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I'm really focused on my future , My question is what is collage all about ? How to pick one ? What is a major ? Have a few more questions as well ...But I really LOVE music ! I'm really pationate about becoming a star , Should I start with YouTube ? This will be a great pleasure if you answer back !

Hello Mya,

I am so glad that you wrote me with this wonderful question. It gives me the opportunity to tell you how proud I am that you have chosen to take charge of your life at such a young age. College is an opportunity to gain an education that will provide you with stability for the future. However, book smarts is not the only thing you can  gain from a college education. It becomes a time where you learn about who you are as a person and helps you to find your path in life. If you love music than you should sing! Learn how to play an instrument, and learn to read music. This will help you in the future. And yes go for it! Start a youtube it  is a lot of fun and you will begin building your audience.

But  don't worry too much about making big decisions about college. You have plenty of time for that. The way you choose the right school for you is select a location where you would like to be and see if they have a program you are interested in. There are many schools, but you have to be sure to select the right one for you. That takes time and research. 

How Do I Get Her to Like Me?

Shy Guy from Indiana writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I would like your advice on how to talk to a girl that I know, but she knows I like her and she has a boyfriend. She pays some attention to me and it seems that she somewhat likes me, but I want to know how to make her mine.

Hi Shy Guy,

If she has a boyfriend you need to respect her relationship. If you don't you will be seen as inappropriate and somewhat of an annoyance to her. I made a video on this topic. 

Here is the Video:

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

askchauntel@gmail.com

www.askchauntel.com

He is No Good for Me...Now What?

Jasmine writes:

Hi Chauntel,
I know this guy right.... we have been talking for about 4 years. We haven't been dating that whole time, we dated 2 or 3 times out of the four years. Now, the first time we dated, i was extremely young and I was not really aware of how a boyfriend should be and what not but now I am older and mature enough to know what I want in a man and he is not it! I think he wants us to be together but I don't think he's right for me anymore. I loved him a lot at one point but I don't feel like that anymore. I can't really explain it but I just know he's not right for me(gut feeling) and he wants to know what it is about him that I don't like. I have told him several things about him that I had a problem with and it's like he forgets what I say right after I say it. One thing I don't like about him is that he points out every little flaw I have.( He'll tell me I need a perm, he'll tell me I'm chubby, he told me I had a lisp, which I know now i do because he pointed it out) I think that a guy shouldn't do that no matter how obvious it is.He makes me more mad than happy. Sometimes he's just annoys the hell out of me.We still talk today but I get mad over silly stuff and then I can't really explain why I'm mad at him. Sometimes I just wish he would leave me alone because then it would be a lot easier that way. He calls me crazy but that's how he makes me feel and not a good crazy either. I guess I just want to know how would you analyze the situation?

Hi Jasmine,

If the guy is not good for you and you know that you have to walk away from the situation. It is good that he is honest with you. However, it seems as though he crosses the line.

He should not make you feel insecure about yourself. Your man is suppose to make you feel beautiful.

By allowing this to continue you are just prolonging the inevitable, and this is just going to get harder and harder to let go. What you are experiencing right now is a mental hold that he has on you because of your history and build up of feelings for each other.

You have to put feelings aside, and this time think with your head, not your heart, and move into a new direction. Sorry but this is just not working out for you gal....that is my analysis.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel
askchauntel@gmail.com
www.askchauntel.com

Interracial Relationships

18-year-old Mimi from Canada writes:

Hey Chauntel :)

I have been dating this guy for about a month now and it's going really really well. He's been a fantastic boyfriend. I've found someone who I match with. Anyways it's been going pretty well but I have two little problems. The first thing is that this summer he's gone to the yukon for two monthes because he's doing military training. I know i'm going to miss him alot but this is in preparation for when he joins the real army next year. I want to be supportive of his decision but If he joins the military he might have to get somewhere and who knows how long it will be before I see again and also it's such a dangerous job... what if something bad happens to him? Anyways I guess I'm just trying to say that I'm pretty worried about him. So do you think I should tell him my concerns?

The second question is that ever since I started dating him I've been having alot of people who have been telling me we shouldn't be together. it's because he's white and I'm black... I mean his background doesn't bother me but I don't know why everyone else keeps bringing up this the whole race issue... so I guess I'm just hoping to get your thoughts on the whole interracial dating thing.

Hello Mimi,

You can't have a healthy relationship without trust and communication, and for that reason you should be open and honest with him about your fears. He will expect for you to be worried about him. If you are ok with having a boyfriend in the military, and you think he is a great guy then go for it! Be honest with him about your fears, and then release that stress. There is no need to continue holding onto it. Your best bet would be to keep in touch with him as much as possible, and pray for his safety.

I believe that interracial relationships are beautiful. A person should not be judged according to their skin color. If you care about him that is all that matters. When it comes to your family and friends let them know that this is who you have chosen to be with, and you would appreciate their support in you being happy with your man. If they really care about you they will learn to accept the two of you being together. This will not be an easy rode to walk down, but I do believe that where there is a will there is a way.

Hope This Helps! 

Chauntel
www.askchauntel.com
askchauntel@gmail.com