Tuesday, July 16, 2013

If she Has a Boyfriend...Should I Tell Her I Like Her?

21-year-old J from Flordia writes:
 Dear Ask Chauntel,

 My name is Jermaine and I have an interest in my coworker at work. She and I have been friends for over two years and I enjoy her company very much. Yet she is very quiet and reserve most of the time, but she loves when I come over and talk to her. I have been liking her for a very long time, but I haven't told her yet because I wasn't sure if she was the right girl for me. She asked me at work did I have a girlfriend and I told her not right now. I asked her the same question and she said she didn't either, but that she was talking to someone right now. I even walked her to her car when it was time for her leave work. Chauntel I want to know:should I pursue a relationship with her even if she is talking to someone else? Just by her asking me the question: do I have girlfriend?, is that a sign she likes me right now? Look forward to your reply thanks!!!

Hello J!

If she is not in a committed relationship she is fair gain. If you don't tell her how you feel while there is still time, you will regret this. So, here is my advice.

Put your reservations aside and let her know how you feel. Her asking you if you have a girlfriend is a good sign, but it is not a tale-tale sign that she likes you. She may have just been curious and wanted to learn more about you.

She isn't married, so you better let her know while you still can. When the wedding bells start ringing guess what? Times up. So go for it! Don't rest on your laurels. If you don't tell her how you feel, you will always wonder. You dig?

Once, you let her know how you feel it's up to her. Respect her relationship if she is in one. Meaning don't try to kiss her or anything just have a conversation, and let her know how you feel. If she doesn't reciprocate, or isn't ready to let go of her current situation, just continue to be her friend. If it is meant to be the opportunity will present itself again.

I Hope This Helps!

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Monday, July 15, 2013

How To Make a Friend a Boyfriend

7th grader Allie from Kansas writes:
Hi Chauntel,
Ok well I have a good friendship with this guy, and I am 2 afraid 2 ask him out.  Everyone says that he likes me, but i am so afraid that he will say no. What should i do? Please help me!!!!!!
by Stock Images
Hi Allie,
Well, you have already followed my advice and took the first step which is building a friendship with him. I am so proud of you!
Now what you have to do is gather the courage within yourself to ask him out.
I know this is a scary thing to do, but love is worth the risk. If he says no, it will be ok. It will hurt a little, but after you get through the pain you will be glad you did it because it will give you piece of mind to know one way or the other.
But you also have to consider the benefits of him saying yes, you will finally have a chance at love with your crush.
When you start off the conversation just let him know how you are glad that you all have become friends. You can then explain why if you like, but you don't have to. Then let him know that you are interested in getting to know him as more than friends, and you were wondering if he felt the same way. Wait for his response. (This is the hard part.)
Then, if he says he'd rather stay friends, take it like a champ. Smile and say ok, and let him know that you understand and that you are glad you can still be friends.
If he says yes, then go girl! Good for you.

I Hope This Helps!
email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

5 Simple Ways to Make Your Husband Smile….at YOU! – Marriage Mondays

Hey Ladies,
If you'd rather keep him smiling instead of frowning and fightin', you might want to consider these tips.
by photostock
1. Take Time to Listen: As women, we sometimes get so caught up in ourselves that we sometimes forget to take a moment to listen to what our mate is saying. He may not repeat it a million times like we do, but if he said it then he must have meant it. So consider his feelings and make sure that he understands that they matter.
2. Make Him Feel Loved: Amidst the hustle and bustle of the day, we can forget the little things that he sometimes requests. Try to find 3 of those things that you can add to your week. Trust me he will notice. 
3. Be Attentive: When he talks about his hobbies that you don't care too much about actually pay attention, and give a comment that isn't snarky. Take the time to enjoy the conversation and even add to it. He mostly just wants to share with you, but he would love it if you actually cared about it.
4. Encourage Him: Men always want a woman who can add light to their life. If he mentions a new idea, or even an old one. Smile and if it's not something that's going to harm him in anyway encourage him and support his decisions.
5. Cook For Him: Ahhhh, you knew this was coming. Whether or not a man can cook, he always loves it when his lady does it for him. If you don't know how learn.
If you do this right you will keep him around for a long time. 'Cause guess what? It's nice to be nice. :) 
Email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Friday, July 12, 2013

Domestic Violence and I have 2 Kids

32-year-old Lesley writes:

Dear Chauntel,

I have 2 children their father passed away. I started dating 2 years ago a year back he started telling what to do, where to go where i can not go. And when i did not listen to his commands, he started beating and i kept quiet and he will tell me the next day that he did not mean to hurt me.
But now it is happening each and every week that i cannot attend church services coz im seeing other men.
Please help what do I do? I cant sleep at night  i wish that i could be around people all the time. My self esteem is so down. I feel useless.
by ambro domestic violenceDear Lesley,
It is difficult when you loose someone you love. Sometimes relationships like the one that you are in come into your life and become unbearable. I understand that you are in love with this man by the simple fact that you are still with him.
If not for your own life, you have been blessed with the gift of children, and for this reason you have to get out of this situation. This man does not mean any good to you. And it's horrible to put your children through this. They do not need to see their mother being abused. It will tear them up inside.
I understand that you are in a controlling, abusive, and extremely dangerous situation. If he is controlling you to the point where you cannot even go to church you are going to have to get out soon. Make an excuse to leave the house and take the kids with you. Even if it is just the grocery store. Don't take anything. That is not important. Take what is absolutely necessary and get out. There are women's shelters that you can go to that will provide you with everything you need to start over.

This is a very unfortunate situation, and I will be praying for you. You need to seek help and support. Don't try to do this alone. You may even consider reporting this to the police as soon as possible.

If you don't get out of this situation your children will suffer. I am not sure of local agencies where you are, but if you visit http://www.domesticviolence.org they should be able to direct you to the services that you need.

Be Blessed and thanks for writing.

email questions to askchauntel@gmail.com

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Being Bullied and Insecure About Myself

14-year-old Nancy writes:

Hi Chauntel!

So I'm watching your videos right now and I thought it is a good idea to write an email to you.
It's not going to be an email about boys or something like that. It's about me and my self-esteem.
When I look at the mirror I don't see anything bad. But people in my school are bully me because
of my large and bulging (REALLY bulging) eyes. I'm only 14 and I can't deal with it. What should I do?

Hi Nancy,

It's funny that it's your eyes that you point out because I have just the opposite problem. My eyes are so small. When I smile they almost completely go away. In fact when I was a baby my family asked my mom if she was sure that she had taken home the right baby because they thought I looked Chinese.

The reality is, we all have something about ourselves that Make us stand out. However, God made us just the way we are for a specific purpose. Lucky for me I was able to see your picture when you wrote in. What the kids at school don't know or quite understand is that your beauty is in your eyes.

After reading your question I took a look at your photo, and let me tell you those eyes of yours could take you far in modeling. I am not sure how tall you are, but if you are at leastt 5'9" you should really consider high fashion modeling. Here is an excellent resource that I found: http:http://www.exploremodeling.com/ If you are not that tall, not to worry they're are other areas of modeling. However, don't go into that unless you develop thick skin. I just wanted to mention this to you as an option because I think you're beautiful and you should give it a try.

Now to address your question specifically, what do you do? You take what they say with a grain of salt. Kids at school are always gonna find something mean to say about each other. It was like that for me, and it is going to be like that for you. If you embrace your beautiful eyes they will eventually leave you alone about it. The only reason they continue to tease you is they know that they are getting to you. If you truly begin to love your eyes, and let what they say role off your sleeve they will notice your confidence and hopefully buzz off.

I was never good with coming up with ways to talk back to people so I would just ignore them or walk away. I know it really hurts. but this is only for a season. It gets better, and once your modeling they will make fun of you because of their jealousy.

So what's the moral of the story here? People talk, ignore them. You choose your destiny not them. You have the power to wake up every morning and love what you see in the mirror.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

My Boyfriend Doesn't Trust Me

Hawa writes: Hey Chauntel So heres the deal, my boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I cried my eyes out when he did. He said we fought too much and that the respect was gone.. because i got mad at him one day and took his card and used money on it, he got mad at me for that and said he could ot trust me again. I think that helped make his choice of breaking up much easier. The day we broke up he told me that i meant alot to him and that i would always had a place in his heart. one week later.. i was just sitting in my room, he suddenly called me, asking ” can i pick you up, and than we can go over to my house” , ” I love you “, and I miss you. But than i came to realize he was drunk.. so i knew he had been to a party and i was afraid that he had been doing something with someone else, so i was crying my eyes out on the phone but i tried to be strong. he kept asking me if everything was ok. 30 minutes later he showed up at my house telling me how much he loves me and i am the most important person to him, and ill always be his girl..he for the first time said “I LOVE YOU” I was shocked. did not know if i should be happy or sad, the fact that he said it when he was drunk. I invited him in.. he slept till the next day. I thounght he didn’t remember anything, but when he woke up he said he remembered everything. Then he left he asked me if i wanted to join the beach later with him. I said yes, but that did not happen because when he went home he slept and later his friends came over, and the weather was not very good soo. It sound like he was having fun when i called him, it kills me inside to know that his is having fun and i am the one hurting. Am i selfish for feeling like that… 2 days later i called him and he was going to a party again.. he parties almost every weekend these days, he never did that when we where together. I was the one doing the partying. So the fact that hes out having fun makes me think hes missed doing “fun things”, and that hes trying to get over me faster than he should, that hurts me. We talked for 5 minutes and he had to go, i said to him that i love him, and he said he loved me too. since than i have not spoken to him about.. the night him came to my place… i mean should i ask him if he ment ” i LOVE YOU” I dont know what to do .. i cry my self to sleep almost every night. I love him and i want to be with him. Why cant everything between us be dealt with… isn’t that how love is suppose to be… Hello Hawa, No, this is not how love is suppose to be. The main issue that you all are having in your relationship is you all don’t have trust. A solid relationship is built on trust and good communication. He does not trust you, and you do not trust him. Yes, it is selfish of you to not want him to go out and have fun, but it is only normal for you to feel that way. You don’t want him to go on without you and the thought of that hurts. This relationship is unstable and it cannot continue this way. If you want this to work you too are going Ro have to build trust in your relationship. I Hope This Helps! Chauntel Www.askchauntel.com Askchauntel@gmail.com