Wednesday, December 19, 2012

15-year-old Betty Ann writes:

So I really like this guy lets call him tyler me and tyler met at are mutual friends house. We have been talking for about 4 months but we just started texting all day everyday for the past 2 weeks. We started right around the time he admitted he liked me and I admitted I like him to. He invited me to this party in September and I went but we didn't get to talk that much because are friends kept interrupting us. Yesterday someone changed my relationship status on facebook and an hour after I saw it tylers status also changed and I was really mad because I didn't know who he was dating! Later last night I started talking to him and I asked him who he was dating and he said he didn't know how his status changed either. He later admitted he thought when I changed my relationship status I meant that me and him were in a relationship. So thats why he changed it... But we both changed it back to single and I really like him and I do want to date him but I'm not sure how I tell him! Btw i'm 15 and he's 17 also we live like 45 minutes away from each other...... Can you help me? 

Hi Betty Ann!

Well it seems that you have a friend who wants to make this thing happen for you. It seems they wanted to make you realize that its time to make your relationship official by changing your relationship status. Now, it may not have been the best way to go about it, but it is still sweet. Otherwise, this was an evil prank.

Either way both you and Tyler want to be together, so what's stopping you??? Nothing, to him and tell you how you feel. He obviously feels the same way. You guys are just not communicating your feelings to each other. Since you live a little ways away try to make a time to seem him and go somewhere and talk.

This should not be too hard. You have spent a significant amount of time getting to know each-other. If you are ready to call him your boyfriend let him know that when the time is right. Right now he feels disconnected. He is embarrassed and confused. So this is just a matter of talking it through the misunderstandings and communication errors.

I Hope This Helps!


I am 13 and He is 18

13-year-old Addie writes

Dear Chauntel, 

I am new to dating. Last year when I was in the 6th grade I had a crush this guy who was an 8th grader but could never seem to get his attention. Probably because i wasn't much to look at. Never have been. Unfortunately he moved away this year so for a while I didn't like anyone else. Now I'm in 7th grade and a new guy moved here this year and I really like him. Theres one BIG problem though.. He's a junior and 19 years old. I know I shouldn't like him because of the age difference but there's not a whole lot I can do about me liking him. Since I never got my 8th grade crush to work, I don't want the same thing to happen with this guy. So I need some serious help. How do I get his attention? How do I make him not care about the age difference? Do I even have a chance with a 19 year old? 

Dear Addie,

I am so glad you wrote me. At  13 there is no doubt that the idea of dating is so exciting! However, you have to keep in mind that just because it seems exciting, this does not mean that it is appropriate.

If he is 18, he is much more experienced than you are in dating. This can have negative effects. I therefore advise you to leave this situation alone, and try to find interest in a guy who is on the same level as you. You need a guy closer to your age and also new to dating.

You may ask "why?". It is very important that you take heed to my advise because this 18-year-old guy is a "man" in the eyes of the state, and he could get into a lot of trouble by pursuing a relationship with you.

Also, it won't be as much fun as you think to be with a guy who is this much more experienced than you. You want someone who you can grow with. It makes the relationship a lot easier to maintain.

I Hope This Helps!


Thursday, December 13, 2012

Fed Up With My Children's Father and Ready for a New Relationship

Lizette writes:

Dear Chauntel,

I need you help on a quite complex issue. Just realized I do-not really love my current partner, he has failed change and I have begun to realise that we simply do not belong together. I cannot stand his habit of checking in my hand bag, reading my text messages, hacking into my emails etc I feel so fed up and cannot stand this any more. The situation was so bad in the previous eight days and we separated bed rooms and in the interim i started dating someone else.

In this new relationship i had mixed feelings about quitting home because we have children and somehow my new partner thought I was not so committed so he has decided to move on. well i love him and would love to have him back but would also like a safe environment for my children. I could have lost him for good but i need guidance on how to handle this situation. I am fed up of my partner who is not willing to change at all, i foot 90% of the home bills, including paying school fees for the children and he even goes on to steal money from account. I feel rubbish cannot go on like this.

Hello Lizette,

I understand that you do not want to be with your children's father. Children alone should never be the reason that you stay in a relationship. It seems like you are pretty fed up with that situation.  What I will say is, if he is not holding his weight you should talk to him about it, and make sure that he is aware of your expectations of him, as well as his responsibilities.
If you really feel that there is no way to salvage that relationship, and you have stopped working towards it, then I would recommend couples therapy for you two. You seem like you are trying to jump into something else to feel the void of that relationship, but I wouldn't be surprised if you were still in love with your X and just using this  new "partner" as a distraction.

You are totally in the wrong for jumping into this new relationship. It is wrong on so many levels.

It is confusing for your children. Second, you should not be dating another man with your X sleeping in the other room. These decisions that you are making seem rash. You really need to start thinking this through. When you make a decision to go into another relationship, the decision is not only for you, but it is for your children too.

So, slow down. Deal with your X first, decide which way that relationship is going to go. Then take some time to get yourself on track, and ensure that your children are ok. When the time is right, you can begin searching for another relationship. This is too much too fast, just think about how you are affecting the other people in your life before you begin making hasty decisions like this again. Take it one step at a time.

I Hope This Helps!


Saturday, December 8, 2012

Did I Ask Her Out Too Early? - Ask Chauntel

Brandon writes:

Hey Chauntel,
So there is this girl I know that I love so very much. She is everything I want in a girl, good personality, humor, good looks, and im not sure if she likes me or not. So she dumped her boyfriend in September and I was like "Yes, heres my chance" So here is what she did after she dumped her bf. She would fix my coat and hit me on the shoulder when I would say a mean joke, she would laugh at all of my jokes, and she even wrestled me once for a book we both when after, and she would try and get me to play xbox with her. I was certain she liked me. But When I asked her out a month after her and her bf broke up, she rejected me. I was so confused. Does she like me? Did i ask her out to early? PS: her and I have been friends for a few years now.

Hey Brandon,

Well I think it's important for you to know that she might have rejected you because she is not ready to make a comittment yet. She just got out of a relationship. Which means that she may be going through a lot emotionally right now that does not encourage her to go right into another relationship.

Therefore, you must be patient with her. She must care about you if she did not use you as a rebound. As far as her having feelings for you, it is too early to tell. You will have to give it some time. However, don't give up on her. Stick in there, and be a friend. She needs that right now. Since she knows how you feel, you have to give her time to figure out how she feels. When she does she will let you know, and in a few months if this is still going on you can tell her how you feel. 

But right now, she needs a good friend.

Also, watch this video it should help you get out of the friend zone :)