Sunday, September 1, 2013

Ask Chauntel Blog Has Migrated

Hey Guys!

I have been trying to hold onto this blog, as I have had it for almost 5 years. However, earlier this summer I started a new blog. Doing the exact same thing, just using another platform.

So, I think I am going to go ahead and migrate completely over to

If you would like to see new posts from me as well as new videos follow my new blog:

New Blog

What are you waiting for? Go check it out!!

Thursday, August 22, 2013

3 Ways To Avoid Online Dating CatFish

imagery majestic black girl
by imagery majestic
The world of Online Dating is growing and growing with over 40 million men and women looking for love. It provides an opportunity for many individuals to meet who would not otherwise have had the opportunity to interact with one another.
Catfish are individuals who create a false identity by pretending to be someone that they are not online, many times they do this to pursue online romances.
Here are 3 ways to Avoid a Catfish
1. Find Their Facebook: If they do not have any social media or if their social media does not have photos of them you should be sceptical. Take a look at their photos and their friends. If they have photos with other individuals who are not tagged in the photos that should raise a red flag. Also, if the individual has fewer than 100 friends you should also be cautious.
2. Use the Phone: Have a voice conversation on the phone with the individual that you met online. Communicating through email and text messages alone is not enough.
3. Use the Webcam: The best way avoid dating a catfish is get them to show their face. With new FREE technologies like Skype and Google Hangouts there is no reason why your online lover wouldn't be able to show their face. If they don't have a webcam they can buy one for less than $40.
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Monday, August 19, 2013

I Want Out of My Relationship

Darrah writes,

Hi Chauntel!

I've had dreams about me kissing my friend,  but I've got a boyfriend. I do feel for my friend, but not in a love way. It's happened a couple of times and maybe its because I've been unsure.

If I want to break up with him because I never see him, and he's not good at the long distance thing. I live in Aberdare in Wales, and he lives in Newport about and hour and 45 minute drive so can you give me any help.

Hi Darrah,

When you dream it's your unconscious coming to light. However, conscious or not you have already made it clear that you are ready to let go of your boyfriend.

The distance doesn't make this any easier. There is no need to drag this out, whether or not you have feelings for your friend, if you want to let go of the realtionship you are in then you have to be brave and do it.

It is not fair to either you or your boyfriend to stay in this relationship if you do not have true feelings for him. So you have to be honest with him, and let him know how you feel, honestly and truly. You can do it. Just pick the appropriate place and time. I hope that you can do this in person. Try to wait until you see him before you break the news.

I Hope This Helps!

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Friday, August 9, 2013

I’m a Big Dude…How Do I Attract a Good Woman?

25-year-old Donald from Mississippi writes:
Hi Chauntel,
I’m a big dude, and I wanted to know how to attract a good woman? I’m so tired of being alone I’m ready 4 a family. I want to be a provider.
Hi Donald,
If you are ready for a family then, it is time for you to begin to take hold of your life. Pursuing a relationship in your frame of mind is unhealthy.
Before, you begin courting a woman and looking to build a family with her, you are going to have to find confidence in yourself.
So, you need to be confident in who you are before I would recommend that you begin pursuing a relationship.
What does this mean?
Your weight is not the problem, it’s your criticalness of yourself that is going to hold you back. If you don’t like the size that you are, and it is effecting your ability to be confident in who you are, then you need to begin making wiser decisions when it comes to eating right and exercising. This doesn’t mean starve yourself, or be at the gym non-stop.
In fact, in means just the opposite. You need to make a plan for your physical health. For your life, and the life of your future family. Get with a nutritionist who can help map this out for you.
When you begin feeling comfortable with yourself, then we can begin to think about what you need to pursue a long lasting relationship, but it seems to me that you aren’t quite ready.
Going into a long term committed relationship when you are so down on yourself will not be a healthy situation for you or your future spouse. I am glad that you want to begin making positive changes in your life, that is great, but we need to prepare you for those changes.
Be encouraged, it is not all about how you look. The woman is going to eventually look past that once she begins to see who you are. But in this case, you don’t feel comfortable with yourself, and I am not ready to advise you into a relationship until that changes.
Feel free to take advantage of my free 15-minute-coaching session by using the coaching coupon. 
When we get you mentally ready for a relationship after first establishing a love for yourself then we address the second part of your question. You dig?
Be Blessed
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Saturday, August 3, 2013

I'm Scared to Tell Him That I Like Him

7th Grade Allie from Kansas writes:
Dear Chauntel,
The teacher calls us love birds in gym class. We have a friendship, but now should I do? I am scared to ask him out. What should I do?
Hi Allie,
Nothing good comes easy. Love is worth the risk so, you have to get past the fear and let him know that you are interested.
Tell him that you appreciate his friendship, but that you are interested in getting to know him better. See if he is also interested in getting to know you better. If he says yes, then great go get yo’ man. If he says no, then it’s ok you can still be friends.
I Hope This Helps!
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Tuesday, July 16, 2013

If she Has a Boyfriend...Should I Tell Her I Like Her?

21-year-old J from Flordia writes:
 Dear Ask Chauntel,

 My name is Jermaine and I have an interest in my coworker at work. She and I have been friends for over two years and I enjoy her company very much. Yet she is very quiet and reserve most of the time, but she loves when I come over and talk to her. I have been liking her for a very long time, but I haven't told her yet because I wasn't sure if she was the right girl for me. She asked me at work did I have a girlfriend and I told her not right now. I asked her the same question and she said she didn't either, but that she was talking to someone right now. I even walked her to her car when it was time for her leave work. Chauntel I want to know:should I pursue a relationship with her even if she is talking to someone else? Just by her asking me the question: do I have girlfriend?, is that a sign she likes me right now? Look forward to your reply thanks!!!

Hello J!

If she is not in a committed relationship she is fair gain. If you don't tell her how you feel while there is still time, you will regret this. So, here is my advice.

Put your reservations aside and let her know how you feel. Her asking you if you have a girlfriend is a good sign, but it is not a tale-tale sign that she likes you. She may have just been curious and wanted to learn more about you.

She isn't married, so you better let her know while you still can. When the wedding bells start ringing guess what? Times up. So go for it! Don't rest on your laurels. If you don't tell her how you feel, you will always wonder. You dig?

Once, you let her know how you feel it's up to her. Respect her relationship if she is in one. Meaning don't try to kiss her or anything just have a conversation, and let her know how you feel. If she doesn't reciprocate, or isn't ready to let go of her current situation, just continue to be her friend. If it is meant to be the opportunity will present itself again.

I Hope This Helps!

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Monday, July 15, 2013

How To Make a Friend a Boyfriend

7th grader Allie from Kansas writes:
Hi Chauntel,
Ok well I have a good friendship with this guy, and I am 2 afraid 2 ask him out.  Everyone says that he likes me, but i am so afraid that he will say no. What should i do? Please help me!!!!!!
by Stock Images
Hi Allie,
Well, you have already followed my advice and took the first step which is building a friendship with him. I am so proud of you!
Now what you have to do is gather the courage within yourself to ask him out.
I know this is a scary thing to do, but love is worth the risk. If he says no, it will be ok. It will hurt a little, but after you get through the pain you will be glad you did it because it will give you piece of mind to know one way or the other.
But you also have to consider the benefits of him saying yes, you will finally have a chance at love with your crush.
When you start off the conversation just let him know how you are glad that you all have become friends. You can then explain why if you like, but you don't have to. Then let him know that you are interested in getting to know him as more than friends, and you were wondering if he felt the same way. Wait for his response. (This is the hard part.)
Then, if he says he'd rather stay friends, take it like a champ. Smile and say ok, and let him know that you understand and that you are glad you can still be friends.
If he says yes, then go girl! Good for you.

I Hope This Helps!
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5 Simple Ways to Make Your Husband Smile….at YOU! – Marriage Mondays

Hey Ladies,
If you'd rather keep him smiling instead of frowning and fightin', you might want to consider these tips.
by photostock
1. Take Time to Listen: As women, we sometimes get so caught up in ourselves that we sometimes forget to take a moment to listen to what our mate is saying. He may not repeat it a million times like we do, but if he said it then he must have meant it. So consider his feelings and make sure that he understands that they matter.
2. Make Him Feel Loved: Amidst the hustle and bustle of the day, we can forget the little things that he sometimes requests. Try to find 3 of those things that you can add to your week. Trust me he will notice. 
3. Be Attentive: When he talks about his hobbies that you don't care too much about actually pay attention, and give a comment that isn't snarky. Take the time to enjoy the conversation and even add to it. He mostly just wants to share with you, but he would love it if you actually cared about it.
4. Encourage Him: Men always want a woman who can add light to their life. If he mentions a new idea, or even an old one. Smile and if it's not something that's going to harm him in anyway encourage him and support his decisions.
5. Cook For Him: Ahhhh, you knew this was coming. Whether or not a man can cook, he always loves it when his lady does it for him. If you don't know how learn.
If you do this right you will keep him around for a long time. 'Cause guess what? It's nice to be nice. :) 
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Friday, July 12, 2013

Domestic Violence and I have 2 Kids

32-year-old Lesley writes:

Dear Chauntel,

I have 2 children their father passed away. I started dating 2 years ago a year back he started telling what to do, where to go where i can not go. And when i did not listen to his commands, he started beating and i kept quiet and he will tell me the next day that he did not mean to hurt me.
But now it is happening each and every week that i cannot attend church services coz im seeing other men.
Please help what do I do? I cant sleep at night  i wish that i could be around people all the time. My self esteem is so down. I feel useless.
by ambro domestic violenceDear Lesley,
It is difficult when you loose someone you love. Sometimes relationships like the one that you are in come into your life and become unbearable. I understand that you are in love with this man by the simple fact that you are still with him.
If not for your own life, you have been blessed with the gift of children, and for this reason you have to get out of this situation. This man does not mean any good to you. And it's horrible to put your children through this. They do not need to see their mother being abused. It will tear them up inside.
I understand that you are in a controlling, abusive, and extremely dangerous situation. If he is controlling you to the point where you cannot even go to church you are going to have to get out soon. Make an excuse to leave the house and take the kids with you. Even if it is just the grocery store. Don't take anything. That is not important. Take what is absolutely necessary and get out. There are women's shelters that you can go to that will provide you with everything you need to start over.

This is a very unfortunate situation, and I will be praying for you. You need to seek help and support. Don't try to do this alone. You may even consider reporting this to the police as soon as possible.

If you don't get out of this situation your children will suffer. I am not sure of local agencies where you are, but if you visit they should be able to direct you to the services that you need.

Be Blessed and thanks for writing.

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Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Being Bullied and Insecure About Myself

14-year-old Nancy writes:

Hi Chauntel!

So I'm watching your videos right now and I thought it is a good idea to write an email to you.
It's not going to be an email about boys or something like that. It's about me and my self-esteem.
When I look at the mirror I don't see anything bad. But people in my school are bully me because
of my large and bulging (REALLY bulging) eyes. I'm only 14 and I can't deal with it. What should I do?

Hi Nancy,

It's funny that it's your eyes that you point out because I have just the opposite problem. My eyes are so small. When I smile they almost completely go away. In fact when I was a baby my family asked my mom if she was sure that she had taken home the right baby because they thought I looked Chinese.

The reality is, we all have something about ourselves that Make us stand out. However, God made us just the way we are for a specific purpose. Lucky for me I was able to see your picture when you wrote in. What the kids at school don't know or quite understand is that your beauty is in your eyes.

After reading your question I took a look at your photo, and let me tell you those eyes of yours could take you far in modeling. I am not sure how tall you are, but if you are at leastt 5'9" you should really consider high fashion modeling. Here is an excellent resource that I found: http: If you are not that tall, not to worry they're are other areas of modeling. However, don't go into that unless you develop thick skin. I just wanted to mention this to you as an option because I think you're beautiful and you should give it a try.

Now to address your question specifically, what do you do? You take what they say with a grain of salt. Kids at school are always gonna find something mean to say about each other. It was like that for me, and it is going to be like that for you. If you embrace your beautiful eyes they will eventually leave you alone about it. The only reason they continue to tease you is they know that they are getting to you. If you truly begin to love your eyes, and let what they say role off your sleeve they will notice your confidence and hopefully buzz off.

I was never good with coming up with ways to talk back to people so I would just ignore them or walk away. I know it really hurts. but this is only for a season. It gets better, and once your modeling they will make fun of you because of their jealousy.

So what's the moral of the story here? People talk, ignore them. You choose your destiny not them. You have the power to wake up every morning and love what you see in the mirror.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

My Boyfriend Doesn't Trust Me

Hawa writes: Hey Chauntel So heres the deal, my boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I cried my eyes out when he did. He said we fought too much and that the respect was gone.. because i got mad at him one day and took his card and used money on it, he got mad at me for that and said he could ot trust me again. I think that helped make his choice of breaking up much easier. The day we broke up he told me that i meant alot to him and that i would always had a place in his heart. one week later.. i was just sitting in my room, he suddenly called me, asking ” can i pick you up, and than we can go over to my house” , ” I love you “, and I miss you. But than i came to realize he was drunk.. so i knew he had been to a party and i was afraid that he had been doing something with someone else, so i was crying my eyes out on the phone but i tried to be strong. he kept asking me if everything was ok. 30 minutes later he showed up at my house telling me how much he loves me and i am the most important person to him, and ill always be his girl..he for the first time said “I LOVE YOU” I was shocked. did not know if i should be happy or sad, the fact that he said it when he was drunk. I invited him in.. he slept till the next day. I thounght he didn’t remember anything, but when he woke up he said he remembered everything. Then he left he asked me if i wanted to join the beach later with him. I said yes, but that did not happen because when he went home he slept and later his friends came over, and the weather was not very good soo. It sound like he was having fun when i called him, it kills me inside to know that his is having fun and i am the one hurting. Am i selfish for feeling like that… 2 days later i called him and he was going to a party again.. he parties almost every weekend these days, he never did that when we where together. I was the one doing the partying. So the fact that hes out having fun makes me think hes missed doing “fun things”, and that hes trying to get over me faster than he should, that hurts me. We talked for 5 minutes and he had to go, i said to him that i love him, and he said he loved me too. since than i have not spoken to him about.. the night him came to my place… i mean should i ask him if he ment ” i LOVE YOU” I dont know what to do .. i cry my self to sleep almost every night. I love him and i want to be with him. Why cant everything between us be dealt with… isn’t that how love is suppose to be… Hello Hawa, No, this is not how love is suppose to be. The main issue that you all are having in your relationship is you all don’t have trust. A solid relationship is built on trust and good communication. He does not trust you, and you do not trust him. Yes, it is selfish of you to not want him to go out and have fun, but it is only normal for you to feel that way. You don’t want him to go on without you and the thought of that hurts. This relationship is unstable and it cannot continue this way. If you want this to work you too are going Ro have to build trust in your relationship. I Hope This Helps! Chauntel

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Is He Using Me For My Friend?

15-year-old Beth from England writes:
Hello Chauntel!
I’m a massive fan of your channel, I love it! and i find everything so useful and always cheers me up! :)
I need your advise on a few things because I have 3 older brothers and no mum so never get any advise, so I always look to you as a big sister :) I like this boy, but he use to fancy my friends, so he became friends with me so he could spend more time with my friend who I fancied, this happened twice and I’m not sure if he likes me as a friend or just using me? cos I really like him, what should I do???
and I also like this guy who lives 5 hours away from me and its really hard, we skype every week but I miss him always cheering me up, what should I do? and I’m always feed up as guys fancying me when they meet me but not when I get to know them cos I’m out going and stuff, should I change myself?
well I hope you can help,
from your little sister
Beth :)
teens by imagerymajestic
by imagerymajestic
Hello Little Sister Beth :)
I am so glad that my videos have been helpful to you. I hope they continue to be so. I am sorry that you do not have a mom. I like how you say it better though, mum. However, I am glad that in-spite of all of that, you are a strong beautiful young women and God has allowed us to cross paths.
With that said, it would take a lot of energy for this guy to use you simply to get to your friend. However, people do this sort of thing all the time. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Just keep your eye on him to see if he is just keeping a relationship with you to keep her around. If you feel that way you should just talk to him about it. Friends should talk these things through, that’s how friendships get stronger.
As for the guy who lives far away, it sounds like you all are building a great friendship and that is wonderful. However, I wouldn’t worry too much about trying to be boyfriend and girlfriend with him. You are so young, and a long distance relationship at your age just doesn’t quite make sense.
However, keep your friendship and who knows what will happen in the future.
As, for changing yourself. If you watch my videos you know better than to ask this question. You are beautiful just the way you are. Nothing, and no one should try to change that. The second a guy does, you drop him. You deserve to be loved for who you are, and if you don’t who else will?
I Hope This Helps!

Monday, June 24, 2013

What Do My Dreams Mean?

Deidra writes:

Hey Chauntel,

I'm new to your video's on youtube and well i could use some advice.....i've had this dream not to long ago and i don't get what the song means the only thing that i remember is that it goes " someone is waiting for me, somewhere over the sea." and idk what it means can u help thanks and i love ur advice!!!

by photostock
Hi Deidra,

Dreams represent your subconscious.

Sometimes dreams are given from God to foretell  the future. There are various texts in the Bible about prophecy through dreams. One example is when God gave Joseph a dream of what would happen between he and his brothers. The story went that his brothers would sell him as a slave. It happened not too long after. You an read about it, in Genesis 37:1-36

BUT....most of the time, dreams are just random thoughts that intertwine with people or things in your life. Maybe you have been thinking about love. Maybe you have been dreaming about traveling. One cool thing to do is, when you have a dream write it down. Then come back to it and see if you are having patterns in your dreams. You may find an interesting phenomena. 

Take this opportunity to go out on a vacation with your family, and give yourself the opportunity to meet more new and interesting people. 

It sounds like your subconscious is trying to tell you that you are in need of some love and adventure. The way this works is sometimes we get so busy in life, or we just don't pay attention to what we are in need of because we are caught up in other things. Take time to reflect and enjoy every second of life! There may be thoughts going through your mind that you are not paying much attention to that could reveal amazing adventures that you are destined to embark upon. If nothing else, write them down. It's a great way to be creative and write a song, poem, or even a short story! 
Keep Dreaming!

How do you tell your parents that you are dating someone?

Dalia writes:
How do you tell your parents that you are dating someone?
courtesy of David Castillo Dominici
Hi Dalia,

Whenever you chose to express important information to someone that  you love you have to choose the appropriate time to do so. That means, you should not share this type of information when your parents are occupied with other things.

You should choose a time that you and your parents have together without any distractions. Choosing to do so in the middle of their favorite television show or while they are on the phone is not a good idea.

The best time to have a serious conversation with your parents is when they are relaxing and don't already have a lot on their mind. For example, if you know that they had a bad day at work, or they are stressed about something going on that day, it's probably not a good time to give them this type of news.

It is important to remember not to choose a time that is great for you, but terrible for them. This is a selfish choice, and you will probably not get the type of support that you are looking for.

However, choosing the appropriate time to share this type of information is only half of the battle. You have to prepare yourself for their reaction. You have to keep in mind that they may or may not support your decision. You are their baby, and they still see you as such. They may not be ready for you to be in a relationship. It is important for you to be respectful of their wishes.

Choosing the appropriate time, will afford you the opportunity for them to have the best reaction possible. Sharing this information is important, and doing so is good and very mature of you. Also, don't give this information when you have guests with you. This should be done at a time when you are alone with your parents. You should choose to share this information when you all have leisure time, this will make the process less stressful. Always, remember your parents love you, and they want the best for you. Therefore, it is important to share and be honest with them.

I Hope This Helps!


How to Tell Her You're Better Then Her Boyfriend

Lemon Head from Louisiana writes:
There's this girl I like at my school. She has a boyfriend but they broke up and got back together again. He did something bad that almost made her break up with him. I have information that could make her break up with him what should I do. I really like her and I've come to a conclusion that she may also like me, I know this because of her body language. I've written her secret admirer notes. I saw her read one, the next day she was really happy. She dyed her hair frome red to black, I asked her why and she said she needed change in her life. Should I give her the information.
Screen Shot 2013-06-24 at 2.46.18 AMHello Lemon Head,

If the information you have to share with her deals with her physical health then yes you should share it with her. Otherwise, you should not share this information with her. She will most likely become defensive of him. Thus, you will end up in the dog house with her.

The best way to approach this situation, is express to her that you don't think he is the best for her. Then be there for her and when the time is right, express interest in her. Use this opportunity to let her know that you respect her relationship, but that you think she should know how you feel.

The key here is making sure that you choose the right time.  Then, you have to wait it out from there, but keep your options open.

BUT DON'T....and I repeat DON'T be clingy. It is unattractive. Just be sweet and then be somewhat unavailable. That will make you seem more interesting to her, and she will be more intrigued to get to know you better, you dig?

One More thing>>> This video should be helpful:

I Hope This Helps!

Saturday, June 22, 2013

How to Tell if a Girl is Interested in You - Ask Chauntel

So this girl she is confusing you. You have no idea if she likes you or what is going on between the two of you. How can you tell if she is interested? Chauntel lays it all out for ya! Watch! 

First Kiss Kissing Tips – Dating Advice -Ask Chauntel

Chauntel gives advice on where your hands should go during your first kiss. Where should his/hers go? What do you do afterwards! Watch!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Is He Too Busy for Me? - Ask Chauntel

Hi Chauntel,

We talked everyday over Facebook for like 2 in a half months. For a few weeks he's now too busy. He has work, school, boxing. I'm understanding about it to a certain extent. I'm a Scorpio so I told him I demand attention before we got involved. Which is true! That's my nature, I told him how I felt and he feels strongly about me too so he says. He just said that everything else comes first. So in my head this is how I perceive our situation.
3 months ago.Him: Hey, your really pretty. So I'm going to give you all my time, I'm going to have long conversations. I'm going to compliment you and give you millions of you cute nicknames without coming across as an ***. You'll like me cause I'll reply back multiple times in a day and we'll have fun conversations.
Me: AwwwHim: I'm mainly doing this cause nothing's going on in my life. When something happens I'll slowly stop telling you things. And because we were never official and this is a long distance thing we can just be friends. But I still like you! It's just something grabbed my attention more than you're doing now. So just be happy that we're talking there's no rush.Me: Okay, so I was just the latest toy on the shelf. You have new ones that you like better but don't want to throw me away due to sentimental value, however you're going to leave me on here to rot?This is how I perceive everything. He's an amazing guy, the best I've ever encountered but he doesn't even reply back in the same day, sometimes 2 days. He says I'm being obsessive which I can be and was being lately do to the fact I feel like he's ignoring me. He says he's not, that he's just busy.I don't know what to do. I feel like we're in a relationship without being in a relationship. I want to end it but then I don't because he is so amazing. I just feel like if your life was so busy and you knew how I felt/was (I was very straight forward in the beginning) why would you even continue to speak to me. I know he has a life, I don't want all his time. I just want to know his life because there is still so much we don't know about each other. Also I don't want to just give up when things don't work, life isn't about taking the easy route. But I'm considering moving on, without telling him. Like keeping my options open, talking to other guys, finding myself. Just having fun, cause he's obviously too busy with his life. What should I do?

Hey Love,

Well....The guy is busy and that is a good thing. That means he has a passion about something. Give him time. Don't pressure him too much. The point is that he is including you and that matters.
It may not be all you want, but as long as he is giving you time and making you feel appreciated that is all you can ask  for.

I Hope This Helps!

Monday, June 10, 2013

5 Steps to Getting Whiter Teeth

Clarissa writes:

Hi Chauntel,

How do you get white teeth?
photo courtesy of photostock
photo courtesy of photostock
Hello Clarissa,

Here are a few easy steps to making your teeth whiter:

1. Brush three times a day
2. Use Hydrogen Peroxide with your tooth paste in the morning
3. Use a Whitening toothpaste (I use Arm and Hammer)
4. Use Baking Soda instead of toothpaste on some days
5. Use over-the-counter whitening stripes

After you have taken all of these steps at home you can go into your dentist and have them give you a tooth whitening. Have fun aiding to your pearly whites (:

I Hope This Helps!


Sunday, June 9, 2013

How do you tell if someone cares? - Ask Chauntel

Richard writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I wanted to ask you for advice in finding out if a girl really cares about you? Please notice, I didn't ask if she likes or loves you, because anyone can claim with their words that they like or love you, but its more challenging to find out if they really care about you with actions or other concrete ways.

Thanks for answering my question.

Hello Richard,

People show that they care through their actions. Just giving you lip service (talking about it) does not mean much.

You have to examine your interactions with them.

Answer these five questions:
1. Does she treat you well?
2. Does she make time for you?
3. Does she include you in her plans?
4. Does she make you feel good when you are around her?
5. Is she willing to compromise on reasonable things to make you happy?

If she doesn't treat you well, doesn't make time for you, doesn't include you in her plans, makes you feel insecure, and is not willing to compromise sometimes to make you happy, then she really doesn't care too much about you.
One thing that I want you to take note of is people show that they care through different methods. Why? Well it is simple, everyone is different. Some people show that they care buy cooking, some by purchasing a special gift, some by making extra time in their day, some by expressing themselves through music or poetry, and some by physical touch.

There is a book that I would like to recommend to you. It is the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and it's less than $10 bucks. You can pretty much find it anywhere. Don't get freaked out, I know that you said you didn't want to use the L word, but face it if you care about someone you usually do love them, not to say that you have to be in love with them.
The 5 Love Languages
The 5 Love Languages
I hope you find what you are looking for.

Be Blessed,