Sunday, August 30, 2009

How Can I Be a Nice-Guy Without Being a Pushover?

17-year-old Jacob from Ohio writes:

Hey Chauntel,

Ijust watched your Nice guys finish last video( and one thing you said girls look for is backbone.

I, as do some friends, see me as that nice guy. my challenge is that, i have back bone but dont know how to show it without looking like im in a bad mood. or that im disgusted with the person (i tend to be overly serious maybe?)

Well my question for you is: How do i show that im not a push over. but at the same time let a girl know im also a nice guy?


Hello Jacob!

If you allow the woman to get to know you, by becoming friends first, she will know that you are a nice guy. You do not have to spell it out for her.

Showing backbone is simply showing the woman that you have your opinion and beliefs about important topics. The way you can avoid being mean or appearing to be a pushover is to simply let her know that although you have your own feelings, you also value her opinion. Listen to what she has to say and give you opinion when appropriate.

Another way that you can show you have backbone is to make small suggestions. Like, "Hey lets go to TGI Fridays tomorow." If she says, "I really don't like that restaurant." Simply say, "Ok, well I want to go somewhere tomorrow if you have time. Where would you like to go?" She will then realize that you have a plan in mind, but are not overlooking her wishes.

Simply showing her that you will take care of her is important. Show her little things like, when you are both walking down the street, have her walk on the inside, not the outside of the sidewalk. This hints to her that you are protecting her. When you sit in a restaurant put her in a position away from the door.
If someone is mistreating her at work or at school, show interest in that. Let her know that you are there to back her up if she needs you.

You don't have to change your demeanor to show backbone. It's more about showing her that you can make your own wise decisions, and that you care about keeping her safe. However, don't become overbearing. These are things you show from time-to-time.

As far as her knowing that you are nice, just be yourself. She will recognize it as she builds a frienship with her.

I Hope This Helps!


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