Thursday, January 27, 2011

How to Gain Self-Esteem

15-year-old Shay from London: writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I used to be really overweight, all the way from when I was a toddler, until about a year ago. I've lost a lot of weight, and although I still have a bit of a way to go,I look so much better than I did before. Due to my previous weight, my confidence level has gone down, so much that there was a period of time where I hated lookinginto mirrors, and I used to tell myself negative things that would happen to me. I can say that I no longer do so, but my confidence level has never come back, I am going to be starting Sixth Form in September and I really want to make new friends, and be able to meet new people, in any given situations. I am very nervous around boys, as I still feel I am the size I was, and I feelthat I am not worth a boy talking to me. I just want to know any help that you could give me, in regard to being more confident around boys and in myself.Thank you so much :-)

Hi Shay,

There are two ways to work confidence. From the outside in, and from the inside out. My advice do both.

My first suggestion is go spice up your wardrobe. You worked hard to get that weight off, so flaunt your stuff honey. Be proud of your body. Believe that you are beautiful. If you feel good about what you're rockin on the outside you will begin to feel better on the inside. Still be you, but take some risks with your clothes. Try a splash of color. Take a friend or family member with you who you trust to help you find some things that look good on you.

Get you hair done, and treat yourself to getting your nails done. Buy a new mirror. It can be a small one, nothing expensive.

Once you are all dolled up, I want you to look into that mirror. The new mirror represents a new reflection of how you will look at yourself. Now instead of focusing on what you don't like, I want you to be brave and begin focusing on what you like in that mirror.

I also want you to get involved in helping others. Volunteer. The joy of helping others will make you even more happy.

As for looking for a guy, its not time for you yet. I want you to focus on building up your self confidence before you think about a relationship. If you get into a relationship right now with low self esteem you are not going to get anything out of it. Once you have built up your esteem then you can begin thinking about a guy, but not before.

All The Best,


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