Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I Am In an Abusive Long Distance Relationship, What do I do?

15-year-old Lindsy writes:
Hey chauntel,
I've been in a long distance relationship for a year now. At first, everything started great, the first 5 or 6 months were all I could ever ask for and everyday I kept falling more and more in love. But torwards the end of the 6th month, things started getting messy. We started fighting a lot and all of the things we were fighting about were stupid. We eventually took a break for about 2 weeks and I tried to see other people but in the back of my mind I always thought about him. We started talking again on our anniversary and we started skyping yesterday. But ever since we started talking again I feel like he is using me. He constantly is trying to make me do things that I don't want to do. I'm a classy girl and he doesn't respect me for that. He told me today that he doesn't want our relationship anymore because I won't please him in the way that he needs to be pleased. I want to beg for him back but then again I want to break apart because during the whole six months that we were fighting he was really abusive. He would sY the meanest things to me and then come running back and guilt trip me into staying with him. I feel like I'm in a prison and I have no way to get out, but half the time I don't ever want to get out. I'm trapped in a relationship where I'm verbally abused and I still love the guy. My friends tell me that I'm probably just in love with what he says to me not him but it's the other way around, I'm in love with him not what he says to me. Sometimes he says the sweetest things to me, but isn't that supposed to be all the time? I need advice, should I stay in the relationship and fight for him and try to make it work again like it did before or should I get out?

Hello Lindsy,
Although, I am a strong believer in love, and the possibility of a long distance relationship working this one is not healthy. You are only 15-years-old and you are already being verbally abused. It is time for you to walk away from this situation. This guy isn't any good for you.
No human being deserves to be abused whether verbally or physically. The times he says the sweet things are to keep you there on his string. There is a guy who will be a gentlemen and not force you to do things that you don't want to do. Eventually the type of guy that you have will break your spirit and you will begin to see yourself doing things that you do not agree with just to keep him. Let him go....You DESERVE BETTER.
Also, watch this video:


  1. Remember to be yourself during the date. Don't put on any airs or try to be someone you're not. If there's something about yourself that you think would effect the relationship, be sure to get it out in the open in the beginning. This allows the other person to know who you truly are, and if they stick with you, it's because they know the real you.

  2. What an interesting post to read, thanks for bringing it up.