Thursday, December 13, 2012

Fed Up With My Children's Father and Ready for a New Relationship

Lizette writes:

Dear Chauntel,

I need you help on a quite complex issue. Just realized I do-not really love my current partner, he has failed change and I have begun to realise that we simply do not belong together. I cannot stand his habit of checking in my hand bag, reading my text messages, hacking into my emails etc I feel so fed up and cannot stand this any more. The situation was so bad in the previous eight days and we separated bed rooms and in the interim i started dating someone else.

In this new relationship i had mixed feelings about quitting home because we have children and somehow my new partner thought I was not so committed so he has decided to move on. well i love him and would love to have him back but would also like a safe environment for my children. I could have lost him for good but i need guidance on how to handle this situation. I am fed up of my partner who is not willing to change at all, i foot 90% of the home bills, including paying school fees for the children and he even goes on to steal money from account. I feel rubbish cannot go on like this.

Hello Lizette,

I understand that you do not want to be with your children's father. Children alone should never be the reason that you stay in a relationship. It seems like you are pretty fed up with that situation.  What I will say is, if he is not holding his weight you should talk to him about it, and make sure that he is aware of your expectations of him, as well as his responsibilities.
If you really feel that there is no way to salvage that relationship, and you have stopped working towards it, then I would recommend couples therapy for you two. You seem like you are trying to jump into something else to feel the void of that relationship, but I wouldn't be surprised if you were still in love with your X and just using this  new "partner" as a distraction.

You are totally in the wrong for jumping into this new relationship. It is wrong on so many levels.

It is confusing for your children. Second, you should not be dating another man with your X sleeping in the other room. These decisions that you are making seem rash. You really need to start thinking this through. When you make a decision to go into another relationship, the decision is not only for you, but it is for your children too.

So, slow down. Deal with your X first, decide which way that relationship is going to go. Then take some time to get yourself on track, and ensure that your children are ok. When the time is right, you can begin searching for another relationship. This is too much too fast, just think about how you are affecting the other people in your life before you begin making hasty decisions like this again. Take it one step at a time.

I Hope This Helps!


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