Fed Up With My Children's Father and Ready for a New Relationship

Lizette writes:

Dear Chauntel,

I need you help on a quite complex issue. Just realized I do-not really love my current partner, he has failed change and I have begun to realise that we simply do not belong together. I cannot stand his habit of checking in my hand bag, reading my text messages, hacking into my emails etc I feel so fed up and cannot stand this any more. The situation was so bad in the previous eight days and we separated bed rooms and in the interim i started dating someone else.

In this new relationship i had mixed feelings about quitting home because we have children and somehow my new partner thought I was not so committed so he has decided to move on. well i love him and would love to have him back but would also like a safe environment for my children. I could have lost him for good but i need guidance on how to handle this situation. I am fed up of my partner who is not willing to change at all, i foot 90% of the home bills, including paying school fees for the children and he even goes on to steal money from account. I feel rubbish cannot go on like this.

Hello Lizette,

I understand that you do not want to be with your children's father. Children alone should never be the reason that you stay in a relationship. It seems like you are pretty fed up with that situation.  What I will say is, if he is not holding his weight you should talk to him about it, and make sure that he is aware of your expectations of him, as well as his responsibilities.

If you really feel that there is no way to salvage that relationship, and you have stopped working towards it, then I would recommend couples therapy for you two. You seem like you are trying to jump into something else to feel the void of that relationship, but I wouldn't be surprised if you were still in love with your X and just using this  new "partner" as a distraction.

You are totally in the wrong for jumping into this new relationship. It is wrong on so many levels.

It is confusing for your children. Second, you should not be dating another man with your X sleeping in the other room. These decisions that you are making seem rash. You really need to start thinking this through. When you make a decision to go into another relationship, the decision is not only for you, but it is for your children too.

So, slow down. Deal with your X first, decide which way that relationship is going to go. Then take some time to get yourself on track, and ensure that your children are ok. When the time is right, you can begin searching for another relationship. This is too much too fast, just think about how you are affecting the other people in your life before you begin making hasty decisions like this again. Take it one step at a time.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

askchauntel@gmail.com

www.askchauntel.com

Did I Ask Her Out Too Early? - Ask Chauntel

Brandon writes:

Hey Chauntel,

So there is this girl I know that I love so very much. She is everything I want in a girl, good personality, humor, good looks, and im not sure if she likes me or not. So she dumped her boyfriend in September and I was like "Yes, heres my chance" So here is what she did after she dumped her bf. She would fix my coat and hit me on the shoulder when I would say a mean joke, she would laugh at all of my jokes, and she even wrestled me once for a book we both when after, and she would try and get me to play xbox with her. I was certain she liked me. But When I asked her out a month after her and her bf broke up, she rejected me. I was so confused. Does she like me? Did i ask her out to early? PS: her and I have been friends for a few years now.

Hey Brandon,

Well I think it's important for you to know that she might have rejected you because she is not ready to make a comittment yet. She just got out of a relationship. Which means that she may be going through a lot emotionally right now that does not encourage her to go right into another relationship.

Therefore, you must be patient with her. She must care about you if she did not use you as a rebound. As far as her having feelings for you, it is too early to tell. You will have to give it some time. However, don't give up on her. Stick in there, and be a friend. She needs that right now. Since she knows how you feel, you have to give her time to figure out how she feels. When she does she will let you know, and in a few months if this is still going on you can tell her how you feel. 

But right now, she needs a good friend.

Also, watch this video it should help you get out of the friend zone :)

Thanks,

Chauntel
www.askchauntel.com
askchauntel@gmail.com

I Want to Be a Star, but What is College?

8th Grade Mya writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I'm really focused on my future , My question is what is collage all about ? How to pick one ? What is a major ? Have a few more questions as well ...But I really LOVE music ! I'm really pationate about becoming a star , Should I start with YouTube ? This will be a great pleasure if you answer back !

Hello Mya,

I am so glad that you wrote me with this wonderful question. It gives me the opportunity to tell you how proud I am that you have chosen to take charge of your life at such a young age. College is an opportunity to gain an education that will provide you with stability for the future. However, book smarts is not the only thing you can  gain from a college education. It becomes a time where you learn about who you are as a person and helps you to find your path in life. If you love music than you should sing! Learn how to play an instrument, and learn to read music. This will help you in the future. And yes go for it! Start a youtube it  is a lot of fun and you will begin building your audience.

But  don't worry too much about making big decisions about college. You have plenty of time for that. The way you choose the right school for you is select a location where you would like to be and see if they have a program you are interested in. There are many schools, but you have to be sure to select the right one for you. That takes time and research. 

How Do I Get Her to Like Me?

Shy Guy from Indiana writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I would like your advice on how to talk to a girl that I know, but she knows I like her and she has a boyfriend. She pays some attention to me and it seems that she somewhat likes me, but I want to know how to make her mine.

Hi Shy Guy,

If she has a boyfriend you need to respect her relationship. If you don't you will be seen as inappropriate and somewhat of an annoyance to her. I made a video on this topic. 

Here is the Video:

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel

askchauntel@gmail.com

www.askchauntel.com

He is No Good for Me...Now What?

Jasmine writes:

Hi Chauntel,
I know this guy right.... we have been talking for about 4 years. We haven't been dating that whole time, we dated 2 or 3 times out of the four years. Now, the first time we dated, i was extremely young and I was not really aware of how a boyfriend should be and what not but now I am older and mature enough to know what I want in a man and he is not it! I think he wants us to be together but I don't think he's right for me anymore. I loved him a lot at one point but I don't feel like that anymore. I can't really explain it but I just know he's not right for me(gut feeling) and he wants to know what it is about him that I don't like. I have told him several things about him that I had a problem with and it's like he forgets what I say right after I say it. One thing I don't like about him is that he points out every little flaw I have.( He'll tell me I need a perm, he'll tell me I'm chubby, he told me I had a lisp, which I know now i do because he pointed it out) I think that a guy shouldn't do that no matter how obvious it is.He makes me more mad than happy. Sometimes he's just annoys the hell out of me.We still talk today but I get mad over silly stuff and then I can't really explain why I'm mad at him. Sometimes I just wish he would leave me alone because then it would be a lot easier that way. He calls me crazy but that's how he makes me feel and not a good crazy either. I guess I just want to know how would you analyze the situation?

Hi Jasmine,

If the guy is not good for you and you know that you have to walk away from the situation. It is good that he is honest with you. However, it seems as though he crosses the line.

He should not make you feel insecure about yourself. Your man is suppose to make you feel beautiful.

By allowing this to continue you are just prolonging the inevitable, and this is just going to get harder and harder to let go. What you are experiencing right now is a mental hold that he has on you because of your history and build up of feelings for each other.

You have to put feelings aside, and this time think with your head, not your heart, and move into a new direction. Sorry but this is just not working out for you gal....that is my analysis.

I Hope This Helps!

Chauntel
askchauntel@gmail.com
www.askchauntel.com

He Said No to the Dance

Daisy writes:

Hi Chauntel,

I have a major crush on this guy i go to school with friday was the first school dance and after words i had a friend ask him out for me and apparently he said no "flatly" but i dont know if he thought she ment to go out with her but ive been really mislead because before i asked him i kept on catching him starring at me quite a bit and i really just dont know what to do...


Hi Daisy,

Miscommunication always causes confusion in relationships. The best thing to do at this point is let the dance go. Build a friendship with him and see what happens from there.

I know it can be a little scary to go out on a limb and ask a guy out, which is why you had your friend do it. But in the future you should do the talking. Chat with him yourself. This avoids uncessary confusion.

I Hope This Help!

Chauntel
askchauntel@gmail.com
www.askchauntel.com

Ask Chauntel Diary- Daddy in the Hospital

Hello Everyone,

I have been MIA this week because my dad is in the hospital. It has been a rough road, but God is able and willing to heal. Be back with more for you soon.

I appreciate you and thanks for your support.

Hugs and Kisses,

Chauntel